FMLs submitted from Victoria

Today, one of my friends thought it would be funny to tell my psycho clinger of an ex that I still like her. It had only been a few months since she finally stopped stalking me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2015 at 3:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was coming home from work and saw an old couple overwhelmed by the number of people at the train station. It was peak hour and I decided to help them. As I went up to them, they said, "Get away, go mug someone else". FML

by qwerki4 / 10/28/2015 at 3:29pm / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML

by Hank-T4 / 10/11/2015 at 7:45am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I found out my dad has been using the flip-flops I wear in the shower. The reason I wear them is to prevent myself from getting his nasty foot fungus. FML

by Lord Kane of Flatulon / 10/06/2015 at 7:13am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, I got confused and said grace before brushing my teeth. FML

by oops / 09/26/2015 at 10:24pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was robbed. I didn't know how the robber got in, as there was no clear signs of forced entry. I later found out that my psycho ex had written my address on the key I lent her when we were going out. And then purposely left it on a table in a café. FML

by Luke / 09/10/2015 at 1:56am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I helped an old man who fell over. Turns out he was drunk and had pissed himself. He decided to thank me with a hug. FML

by philip708 / 08/27/2015 at 2:46am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML

by blow me / 08/07/2015 at 12:36pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. It got hot and intense and we were really into it, until she blurted out, "Oh baby, rub your penis against mine". FML

Today, I was reading a picture storybook to a kindergarten kid. She could pronounce more words than me, and corrected me. I'm about triple her age. FML

by thebiteof87 / 07/22/2015 at 2:32am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML

by henhouse / 07/18/2015 at 7:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I sent my long-distance boyfriend a heartfelt message about how much I missed him. He sent me back a picture of a Minion. FML

by anon / 07/17/2015 at 3:04am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I got fired, apparently for being racist to black people. When I told my boyfriend, he couldn't stop laughing. He's black. FML

by Razz / 07/15/2015 at 6:02pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous