FMLs submitted from Victoria

Today, I tried to convince my daughter that the "To boldly go where no man has gone before" speech is from Star Trek, and is not an actual historical speech by the first man on the moon. She has decided to include it in her university essay on Neil Armstrong anyway. FML

Today, I realised that I only get dandruff when I'm stressed about having dandruff. Which is whenever I have dandruff. FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2012 at 10:16am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML

by pmek / 03/26/2012 at 5:11am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2012 at 8:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I realised my period was two weeks late and panicked about being pregnant due to missing a pill a few weeks ago. Then I remembered I haven't had sex in almost a year. FML

by noneedtostress / 03/17/2012 at 11:52am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML

by argh / 03/02/2012 at 7:14pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was very cold and tired, so I took a shower to warm up and went to bed. The minute I hopped into bed, it collapsed and broke. I have spent half-an-hour rearranging furniture to get the mattress on to the floor. Now I'm cold again. FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2012 at 7:36am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend sang "happy birthday" to my vagina. It was my birthday last month and he forgot, but he remembered the date of the first time he went down on me. FML

by me / 02/19/2012 at 6:37am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

by thatgirl34 / 02/09/2012 at 6:29am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my boyfriend about his Miley Cyrus obsession. FML

by Madzison / 02/06/2012 at 5:08am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML

by KDM / 02/05/2012 at 2:39pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to change my mobile number because I was getting abused by a guy, so I sent my new number to all of the people on my contact list. Including him. FML

by Jodie / 02/03/2012 at 7:48am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, after over a year of lifestyle changes and a ritualistic exercise regime, I finally reached my goal weight. I excitedly told my boyfriend, and he responded, "Yeah, that's nice, but now your tits are tiny". FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2012 at 8:10am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy