FMLs submitted from Victoria

Today, the doorbell rang. I saw my incredibly overbearing mum's car outside, so I stayed quiet and tried to sneak upstairs. As I crawled through the hallway, commando style, I realised the door blinds were still out for cleaning. If scowls could kill, I'd be roasting in Hell right now. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2013 at 8:40am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my landlord emailed me, stating that she hasn't been receiving my rent. After some investigation, I found out she's been using the money to buy booze, and hasn't been putting it into the house owner's account. FML

by BrokeAsHell / 05/30/2013 at 4:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Money

Today, I had a customer tell me how much she regretted not aborting her expected child, how much she hates the father, and described to me in immense detail what it is like to pee while pregnant. All within the 30 seconds it took me to serve her. FML

by mmmretail / 05/25/2013 at 1:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I gave my boss a gift card as a late birthday present, since I wasn't in the office on his actual birthday. He accused me of trying to bribe my way to a promotion, and suspended me on the spot. FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 12:01pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML

by jasminejzhu / 04/14/2013 at 5:58am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I was at University when a giant mascot started walking in my direction. As they walked past, they whispered my name seductively. I still don't know who it was. FML

by confused / 04/07/2013 at 10:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I was late to a lecture when I tripped up the stairs. With a few hundred people already staring and laughing at me, I started to curtsy to my "adoring fans" but instead fell backwards down the massive flight of stairs. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2013 at 2:03am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the lump in my wrist that keeps getting inflamed and sore is caused by sketching and using my laptop too much. Good thing I'm in my fourth year of studying to become a designer. FML

by Anonymous / 03/16/2013 at 11:08pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML

by sickofthesmelltoo / 02/28/2013 at 5:56am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

by anony / 02/27/2013 at 8:49am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, after supporting my girlfriend for over a year in her endeavour to lose weight, exercise more, and eat better, my now-slender girlfriend dumped me. Because now she find someone better than me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 3:07am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I've been single for so long my grandmother had to ask if I actually like women or not. FML

by Forever alone Guy / 02/19/2013 at 6:07pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I walked into my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML

by xtammyle / 02/19/2013 at 2:01am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals