FMLs submitted from Victoria

Today, I ran into a new guy at work who told me the regional manager was visiting today to evaluate the staff. I scoffed and said that everything I'd heard about the manager made him seem like a total prick. His reply? "Maybe, but I'm a prick who can FIRE people." FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2016 at 6:04am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, like many other days, I drove 15 minutes away from my girlfriend's house to poop at the local McDonald's, because I'm too scared of her roommates hearing my extreme noise terror. FML

by scared2poop / 04/11/2016 at 10:30pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my old boss stiffed me on a large sum of money he owes me. I tried to contact him and point out that he legally owes me the money, but he won't answer his texts or his phone, and the managers say he changes the subject whenever they bring it up. FML

by Stiffed / 04/07/2016 at 5:19am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, my sister called me a moron after I told her that no, healthy foods do not give you "negative calories". She's 21 and goes around telling everyone that she's an expert nutritionist. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 5:23am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my boyfriend's advice and finally stood up to my very passive-agressive, rude mother. What started in a conversation about her snide comment about my outfit ended in me needing to find somewhere else to live. FML

Today, I used fly spray on my muffin tray instead of olive oil. FML

by Delicious / 03/20/2016 at 10:09pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend of 5 years gave me the "I'm not in love with you anymore" speech. I saw it coming, so I'd planned to play it cool by saying, "If you're sure it's something we can't fix, I'd rather not talk about it". After a while, I realised I was just sitting there like a child, fidgeting and shaking. FML

Today, I met one of my fiancé's coworkers. Normally I'd never ask how far along someone's pregnancy is without being 100% sure they're not just fat, but she seemed fit. Well, I now know that virtually all the fat in some people's bodies can go straight to their gut and nowhere else. FML

by porkers gonna pork :\ / 03/12/2016 at 10:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I actually had to reassure the girl I'm seeing that she can't "catch" my epilepsy. FML

by the fuck? / 03/05/2016 at 4:49am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, during an unrelated appointment with my GP, he offered me a free check for chlamydia. Despite me reassuring him that I was STI free, he insisted that I should undergo the test. I ended up agreeing, only because I was too embarrassed to admit that I'm still a virgin. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2016 at 2:39am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that the guy I've been crushing on for months is actually 15 years old. I'm 22. Not only is it gross, but it's also illegal. FML

by abnormallyadam / 02/09/2016 at 8:08am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, a woman yelled at me for hurting her. I'm a tattoo artist. FML

by thrill house / 01/24/2016 at 7:57pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I went to visit a suburb that was named after my family. Within five minutes of walking around I was mugged and then beat up. My family name has certainly done well for itself. FML

by heckaza / 01/19/2016 at 1:47am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous