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FMLs submitted from Victoria

Today, I helped an old man who fell over. Turns out he was drunk and had pissed himself. He decided to thank me with a hug. FML

#21461220
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19522) - you deserved it (1538)

On 08/27/2015 at 2:46am - misc - by philip708 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML

#21453135
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21035) - you deserved it (2873)

On 08/07/2015 at 12:36pm - health - by blow me (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. It got hot and intense and we were really into it, until she blurted out, "Oh baby, rub your penis against mine". FML

Today, I was reading a picture storybook to a kindergarten kid. She could pronounce more words than me, and corrected me. I'm about triple her age. FML

#21445328
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14613) - you deserved it (24478)

On 07/22/2015 at 2:32am - kids - by thebiteof87 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML

#21443446
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26819) - you deserved it (2818)

On 07/18/2015 at 7:09am - intimacy - by henhouse - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I sent my long-distance boyfriend a heartfelt message about how much I missed him. He sent me back a picture of a Minion. FML

#21442865
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25970) - you deserved it (3460)

On 07/17/2015 at 3:04am - love - by anon - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got fired, apparently for being racist to black people. When I told my boyfriend, he couldn't stop laughing. He's black. FML

#21442166
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31518) - you deserved it (3069)

On 07/15/2015 at 6:02pm - misc - by Razz - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my bosses were boasting about their work-funded retreat, including the $1,800 bottle of wine the company paid for. This would be fine if they hadn't just told me there are no funds to pay me for the work they've got me doing. We are also the biggest company in our industry. FML

#21440819
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25641) - you deserved it (1741)

On 07/13/2015 at 1:06am - work - by Wolfrunner87 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after coming home from an AFL match in Melbourne at about 11pm, I saw a woman asleep on the train as we neared the end of the line. Being a nice person, I went to wake her, to which she started screaming and trying to punch me. FML

#21439964
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22160) - you deserved it (2647)

On 07/11/2015 at 8:51am - misc - by anon - Australia (Victoria)

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

#21439825
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27742) - you deserved it (2387)

On 07/10/2015 at 11:49pm - misc - by Julianapilikusplatosophophes (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, an old lady wearing a low-cut shirt with no bra underneath came into my line with some groceries. At some point while bagging her groceries, her wrinkled breast slipped out of her shirt. She didn't even notice. I wish to fuck I could unsee this. FML

#21432649
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27098) - you deserved it (2050)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, it's my birthday. I had asked my parents for a keyboard, and I was really excited to open the massive box they gave me. It was a computer keyboard. I've been playing piano for 11 years. FML

#21428456
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28811) - you deserved it (4297)

On 06/19/2015 at 4:37am - misc - by THANKS - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had to wait for my daughter's pet python to finish taking a bath before I could take a shower and go to work. FML

#21425623
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24688) - you deserved it (3649)

On 06/13/2015 at 9:27pm - animals - by patient_mom - Australia (Victoria)



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