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FMLs submitted from Vermont

Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML

#7460932
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11753) - you deserved it (27701)

On 01/20/2010 at 7:23pm - love - by showerpower (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I found out I've recently developed a bladder control issue. Every time I lift anything more than about fifteen pounds, I pee myself a little. I work in a warehouse. Heavy lifting is my job. FML

#7216883
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26264) - you deserved it (1912)

On 01/08/2010 at 12:56pm - misc - by mcpeepants (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was getting ready for a party and accidentally knocked my blender off the counter. After taking a half an hour to clean up all the glass, I went upstairs to get the spare blender I keep in the closet. I tripped, and broke the blender. I just applied for a waitressing job. FML

#7115601
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18243) - you deserved it (5370)

On 01/03/2010 at 12:04am - misc - by cutiepatootie (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, at 4am, I remembered that I had not studied for my Spanish exam. I panicked, jumped out of bed, and frantically began searching for my notebook. It wasn't until I destroyed my desk and woke up my roommate that I realized that I'm not enrolled in Spanish this semester. It was a nightmare. FML

#6537885
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29479) - you deserved it (8483)

On 11/30/2009 at 7:19pm - misc - by Stressmess - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

#5931045
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22592) - you deserved it (3240)

On 10/21/2009 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Busted (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my sisters and I were throwing my mom a birthday party. Since I'm not good at baking, I ordered her a really nice and expensive cake. As my daughter and I were headed out the door, she told me she had added some sprinkles to make it pretty. It was the silica beads from a package. FML

#5444329
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29935) - you deserved it (3291)

On 09/24/2009 at 7:25am - misc - by rubber_duckie177 (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I went to see a movie with 4 friends. I didn't realize that I was the only one who didn't have a date. The theater row had just enough room for everyone but me, I got to sit in back of everyone else while they were making out in front of me for 2 hours. FML

#4222573
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45645) - you deserved it (5122)

On 08/02/2009 at 2:11am - love - by Devin (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML

#4133351
328 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55715) - you deserved it (5996)

On 07/29/2009 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I received my new cell phone and activated my account. As part of the package, I get to choose five numbers that I can call without using any minutes. I could still only think of three numbers I call regularly: my parent's house, my mom's cell and my ex's cell. FML

#1318929
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41618) - you deserved it (11796)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was struggling through an exam and the hot girl next to me seemed to be flying through the questions. So I cheated off her. When we finished I asked her to lunch. She said "No, I just rushed through the exam so I can go fuck my boyfriend." I got shutdown and probably failed an exam. FML

#1001341
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8855) - you deserved it (80422)

On 04/15/2009 at 7:30pm - misc - by ananomoose - United States (Vermont)

Today, my daughter's school was putting on a fashion show for charity and all the kids were supposed to ask their mothers to be in it. I asked my daughter about it and she said "well I was going to ask you, but they said only to 'ask all of your BEAUTIFUL mommies." FML

#873134
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66219) - you deserved it (3458)

On 04/08/2009 at 4:08pm - kids - by livay315 (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML

#721846
306 comments

I agree, your life sucks (159242) - you deserved it (9653)

On 03/31/2009 at 10:17am - health - by warp_routine (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a dump. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML

#43092
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12253) - you deserved it (45936)

On 02/14/2009 at 6:05pm - misc - by videochat (woman) - United States (Vermont)



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