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FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, I went to a park and sat down next to this older lady. These kids started to fight and scream at each other. I leaned next to her and said, "Man am I glad those aren't MY kids." She turned to me and said, "Yeah, they're mine." FML

#6813571
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7639) - you deserved it (28800)

On 12/18/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by Sardine (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, while lying in bed with my wife, I asked her if she still loved me. Her reply "Sometimes". This I know is true because she instantly rolled over and farted on my leg. FML

#6802710
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30535) - you deserved it (4366)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:48pm - love - by yoked (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I saw a moth trapped in a spider web. Feeling gracious, I gently freed it, and then took it to the window to let it out. When I opened the window to set him free, my $300 air conditioner fell two stories and smashed on the sidewalk. The moth flew away. FML

#6598965
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13388) - you deserved it (33683)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:23pm - animals - by oops (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went to the bathroom and used the urinal. When I was done, I closed my zipper on my foreskin. FML

#6568411
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26398) - you deserved it (8090)

On 12/02/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by randm1 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was planning on going on a date with a girl I've really liked. She told me today was the only we could hang out before her trip. I got an expensive hair cut, planned on cooking her dinner, and pulled a few strings and got on the list for a big concert. Turns out she'd rather go shopping FML

#6377384
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30360) - you deserved it (3685)

On 11/20/2009 at 3:25am - love - by sadday (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML

#6268866
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27063) - you deserved it (2972)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:14am - work - by FML (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went to get a haircut. The hairdresser at the counter was kind of cute, so I had to say something non-standard. When she greeted me with her hello, I replied "Guess what I need from you today?" She looked at me, considered, and replied "An eyebrow wax?" FML

#6118642
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9365) - you deserved it (37175)

On 11/02/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my best friend and I both applied for the same job. I was applying because my family is REALLY tight on cash, and I need the money. He applied because I told him about the job and we thought it would be fun working together. He was hired on the spot. I was denied the job. FML

#6096905
48 comments

Today, I went to the military base to save $10 on a haircut. On the way out the gate, the glare of the sun blocked my view of a star barrier. Instead of saving $10 on a haircut I now owe a $500 deductible to fix my car. FML

Today, I took my 5 year-old son to the barber shop. When the man finishes with him, I tell the guy, "while we're here, I might as well get a trim too." My son then exclaims very loudly in front of a very full barber's shop, "Dad! You don't need a haircut, you need hair!" FML

#5327120
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33191) - you deserved it (6378)

On 09/18/2009 at 2:17am - kids - by ben (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went on a romantic date to the mountains to look a stars with a boy I had just met. We started kissing and he stopped, asking if it was rude for him to take me home now. After getting dropped off, he texted me saying we could never do that again and we should never talk about it. FML

#5210857
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45034) - you deserved it (5006)

On 09/12/2009 at 5:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my girlfriend's family came over and I thought it would be fun to watch old family videos of when I was a kid. A few minutes into my 5th birthday party, I excused myself and went to grab some snacks for everyone. I returned to realize I had recorded porn over my family videos. FML

#5087899
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8761) - you deserved it (65130)

On 09/06/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by Ex-girlfried (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my best friend who I've had serious feelings for for over a year decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost 2 years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up 6 months ago. 3 times. FML

#4993116
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25814) - you deserved it (3837)

On 09/02/2009 at 2:33am - intimacy - by sexytime (woman) - United States (Utah)



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