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FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

#13466592
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29870) - you deserved it (3678)

On 10/16/2010 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I have ever or would ever fake an orgasm. I assured him that I wouldn't, when he has actually never given me one. I didn't have the heart to tell him. FML

#13260698
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10615) - you deserved it (32858)

On 09/30/2010 at 5:56am - intimacy - by ohyaknow (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, and every day, a homeless looking man walks into my work, sits down and stares. I'm new to the job so, trying to make new friends, when the guy walked in this time, I went over to a co worker I was really clicking with, and went off about how creepy he was. He replied with "Who, my dad?" FML

#13260317
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10122) - you deserved it (30054)

On 09/30/2010 at 4:19am - work - by simply2010 (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML

#12577034
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38531) - you deserved it (4549)

On 08/17/2010 at 3:10am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was in the car with my parents' friends. I was in the back with my window down when I felt something strange hit my ear. I then realized that the person sitting in front of me was picking their scab and throwing it out the window. FML

#12411056
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27737) - you deserved it (2344)

On 08/09/2010 at 12:54pm - misc - by Scabs (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML

#12376475
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42288) - you deserved it (2963)

On 08/07/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML

#12346670
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26917) - you deserved it (3618)

On 08/06/2010 at 3:07am - love - by rachaaaaeul - United States (Utah)

Today, I was brushing my teeth and shaving in the shower. My favorite song came on, and I got mixed up. My tongue and mouth are cut badly now. FML

#11943305
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14845) - you deserved it (53335)

On 07/17/2010 at 2:23pm - misc - by knighton16 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend and I thought it'd be hot to have it off on the golf course once it was dark. Who would've thought that sprinklers start up once it's pitch dark. I got a lot wetter than I thought I would. FML

#11846185
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14331) - you deserved it (38400)

On 07/13/2010 at 4:31am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to surprise him with breakfast only to find that his other girlfriend had beat me to it. FML

#11377348
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44810) - you deserved it (3999)

On 06/22/2010 at 8:59am - love - by k.love - United States (Utah)

Today, I wanted to impress my girlfriend with a cool fire breathing trick I learned online, and ended up burning half her room. FML

#11071289
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9985) - you deserved it (60233)

On 06/09/2010 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I saw a video of me from over the weekend, naked, pretending to be a duck. What the fuck happened that night? FML

#10748926
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18818) - you deserved it (54012)

On 05/25/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by laurenraeee - United States (Utah)

Today, I woke up next to a woman nearly twice my age. I don't know how to tell her it was drunken sex and not the beginning of a relationship. But I have to come up with something soon as I work with her Monday. FML

#9799109
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11952) - you deserved it (40709)

On 04/11/2010 at 7:54am - intimacy - by John doe - United States (Utah)



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