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FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML

#12376475
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41084) - you deserved it (2857)

On 08/07/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML

#12346670
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26827) - you deserved it (3609)

On 08/06/2010 at 3:07am - love - by rachaaaaeul - United States (Utah)

Today, I was brushing my teeth and shaving in the shower. My favorite song came on, and I got mixed up. My tongue and mouth are cut badly now. FML

#11943305
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14795) - you deserved it (53227)

On 07/17/2010 at 2:23pm - misc - by knighton16 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend and I thought it'd be hot to have it off on the golf course once it was dark. Who would've thought that sprinklers start up once it's pitch dark. I got a lot wetter than I thought I would. FML

#11846185
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14290) - you deserved it (38298)

On 07/13/2010 at 4:31am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to surprise him with breakfast only to find that his other girlfriend had beat me to it. FML

#11377348
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44700) - you deserved it (3988)

On 06/22/2010 at 8:59am - love - by k.love - United States (Utah)

Today, I wanted to impress my girlfriend with a cool fire breathing trick I learned online, and ended up burning half her room. FML

#11071289
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9587) - you deserved it (58747)

On 06/09/2010 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I saw a video of me from over the weekend, naked, pretending to be a duck. What the fuck happened that night? FML

#10748926
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18540) - you deserved it (53401)

On 05/25/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by laurenraeee - United States (Utah)

Today, I woke up next to a woman nearly twice my age. I don't know how to tell her it was drunken sex and not the beginning of a relationship. But I have to come up with something soon as I work with her Monday. FML

#9799109
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10938) - you deserved it (38530)

On 04/11/2010 at 7:54am - intimacy - by John doe - United States (Utah)

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

#8973652
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4799) - you deserved it (54491)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:53pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend for taking me for granted and being such a jerk. He didn't even show up for our date. FML

#8965394
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29023) - you deserved it (4524)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:00am - love - by Maddy (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my roommate confronted me about my eating disorder. She described in length how emaciated my chest has become and how she wants to help. Except I don't have an eating disorder. My sternum is deformed and I have only recently become confident enough to wear low-cut tops. FML

#8940307
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35332) - you deserved it (2346)

On 03/09/2010 at 3:57am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, in math, I was working on an assignment and this really cute girl comes over and says my name. At this point, my heart is pumping with excitement and I'm thinking she is going to ask for my number. She said, "Did you know someone drew a penis on your back?" FML

#8433331
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25996) - you deserved it (3157)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:32am - misc - by GeneralElement (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I checked my university financial account to discover I owed them over $1000. The reason? They had apparently given me too much money when I applied for a loan and now want it back. Oh, and I spent my loan money on books and a laptop for school. FML

#7604167
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23922) - you deserved it (2829)

On 01/27/2010 at 12:25am - money - by boned (woman) - United States (Utah)



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