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FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, a police officer gave me a ticket for smoking. He told me that my parents would have to be contacted to come pick me up. My drunk dad came to the rescue, and almost hit the police car. Way to go dad. FML

#14945548
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22781) - you deserved it (16065)

On 02/12/2011 at 3:05am - misc - by savanna(: - United States (Utah)

Today, it was both my and my stepmother's birthday. In preparation, my dad bought a huge banner with my stepmother's name on it, and a lovely birthday cake. When I told him it was also my birthday, he just grunted and taped a post-it note to the banner with my name on it. Same with the cake. FML

#14853922
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37196) - you deserved it (2577)

On 02/05/2011 at 3:30pm - misc - by stinkerweeder (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

#14813410
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33762) - you deserved it (6821)

On 02/02/2011 at 3:59pm - intimacy - by jessica - United States (Utah)

Today, I was grounded for not agreeing with an article on dating my mom found in a very strict magazine. The article told parents to monitor phone calls, make rumors about their children cheating on people and not allow their children anywhere but home. FML

#14694705
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40876) - you deserved it (2828)

On 01/24/2011 at 2:29am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I got into a nasty fight, and ended up leaving with a black eye. The fight was with a champagne bottle cork. I was opening the bottle to celebrate the New Year, at home, alone. FML

#14415178
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27570) - you deserved it (5510)

On 12/31/2010 at 10:21pm - love - by haappynewyear - United States (Utah)

Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML

#14109694
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24289) - you deserved it (4580)

On 12/06/2010 at 5:50pm - animals - by Addicted2FML303 (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went over to my mother-in-law's house to have dinner. I was excited she invited me, since I thought she didn't like me. I ended up hanging her Christmas lights in a snowstorm while they had s'mores by the fire. FML

#13943289
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25188) - you deserved it (3673)

On 11/22/2010 at 10:58pm - misc - by heronlydaughter (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to stay just friends. Not only did I get denied, apparently we're also "just friends." FML

#13614592
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34050) - you deserved it (3181)

On 10/27/2010 at 1:19pm - love - by just_friends (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was having the most wonderful bath. The water was steaming, the bubbles were bubbly, and I was reading a really good book. I put my book down to yawn and looked to my right. My gaze was met by the lovely face of my brother's pet tarantula. FML

#13574162
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33766) - you deserved it (3005)

On 10/24/2010 at 8:21am - misc - by mzgabbster (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

#13466592
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29755) - you deserved it (3671)

On 10/16/2010 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I have ever or would ever fake an orgasm. I assured him that I wouldn't, when he has actually never given me one. I didn't have the heart to tell him. FML

#13260698
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10564) - you deserved it (32751)

On 09/30/2010 at 5:56am - intimacy - by ohyaknow (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, and every day, a homeless looking man walks into my work, sits down and stares. I'm new to the job so, trying to make new friends, when the guy walked in this time, I went over to a co worker I was really clicking with, and went off about how creepy he was. He replied with "Who, my dad?" FML

#13260317
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9495) - you deserved it (28633)

On 09/30/2010 at 4:19am - work - by simply2010 (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML

#12577034
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38410) - you deserved it (4541)

On 08/17/2010 at 3:10am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)



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