FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, at work I was trying to be nice and give a customer a discount because she was having trouble finding money to pay for her food. Everybody behind her then demanded a discount as well. FML

by cassiebee / 11/04/2012 at 9:16am / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, I bought the only cat on Earth that doesn't like chasing after a laser dot. Goodbye, hours of sick, sick entertainment. FML

by lonelygirl / 08/17/2012 at 7:33pm / United States (Utah) / Animals

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

by FutureMarine3658 / 08/08/2012 at 10:00am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was babysitting three kids, one of whom was particularly difficult to control. While trying to get him to behave, the two girls came up behind me and pulled my pants down. In front of a huge window open to the street below. FML

by 1D-107 / 07/31/2012 at 1:43pm / United States (Utah) / Kids

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house when we noticed her cat was missing. We saw it on the roof and so I thought I would try to look good by offering to go on the roof to retrieve it. The cat had climbed down when I got up there, and I have a fear of heights. Her mom had to help me down. FML

by screw the cat / 07/24/2012 at 1:10am / United States (Utah) / Animals

Today, I had a dream that my ex-boyfriend had become a vicious serial killer and was hunting me down because I broke up with him. I don't know what scares me more: the way he hunted me in my sleep, or the fact that it wouldn't surprise me if it actually happened. FML

by InsomniacToBe / 07/19/2012 at 11:55am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the world did not used to be black and white. It was just the pictures that were. She still doesn't believe me. She's eighteen. FML

by CierraJordan / 03/14/2012 at 7:31am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

by daddy-o / 03/14/2012 at 3:51am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He gave me a cupcake. FML

by Janitor / 03/07/2012 at 8:08pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend of six months that giving another guy a blow job IS cheating. FML

by hatinthelife / 02/18/2012 at 1:34am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that the only thing worse than a psycho, overbearing, controlling girlfriend is a psycho, overbearing and controlling ex-girlfriend. FML

by bluesox4 / 02/06/2012 at 12:50am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my family. The night consisted of my sisters hiding in a tent and chasing us around in it, my parents singing songs from 'The Lion King' opera-style and throwing cheese at him. Pretty sure he's freaked out. FML

by wellthatsawkward / 12/30/2011 at 1:35am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML

by Dv0829 / 10/21/2011 at 1:42am / United States (Utah) / Animals