Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me while we were at the pool. He seemed shocked that I wasn't crying. A slim girl in a bikini walked past and said, "Don't worry, fat people are used to it." FML

#17480475
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40849) - you deserved it (4732)

On 08/15/2011 at 1:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, at work, I told a lady checking out to sign her name after sliding her credit card. After she started signing her name, she threw the pen down in frustration saying that the pen was out of ink. We use electronic pin pads. FML

#17057819
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26549) - you deserved it (2378)

On 07/10/2011 at 9:13pm - work - by asianjoe (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML

#16508942
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64591) - you deserved it (3800)

On 06/05/2011 at 1:17am - love - by dumped - United States (Utah)

Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML

#16276951
509 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12274) - you deserved it (224791)

On 05/21/2011 at 2:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I gave a girl answers to a test. She said she would give me something pleasurable in return. She gave me a Twinkie, saying, "I know how much fat people love twinkies." FML

#16207509
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25618) - you deserved it (35132)

On 05/16/2011 at 3:34pm - misc - by pyroman1127 - United States (Utah)

Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML

#15791690
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20745) - you deserved it (52440)

On 04/15/2011 at 1:34am - intimacy - by fmyhabit - United States (Utah)

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

#15661118
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20723) - you deserved it (33916)

On 04/06/2011 at 2:22am - animals - by mottephobe - United States (Utah)

Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML

#15657358
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30968) - you deserved it (10474)

On 04/05/2011 at 9:52pm - misc - by troublewithbleach (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML

#15636235
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39826) - you deserved it (10981)

On 04/04/2011 at 2:29pm - intimacy - by Abyssal (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, at my wedding, my brother decided it would be funny to trip me as I was walking down the aisle, in front of hundreds of people. FML

#15395122
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55595) - you deserved it (4266)

On 03/20/2011 at 3:44am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML

#15133415
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46280) - you deserved it (12211)

On 02/27/2011 at 12:18am - intimacy - by newlywed - United States (Utah)

Today, while at a work meeting, I finally summoned up the courage to share and express my opinions about unprofessionalism in the office. After the meeting, I went to clean up, only to notice in the bathroom mirror that I'd had a booger pasted across my forehead throughout the meeting. FML

#15098921
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18971) - you deserved it (20059)

On 02/24/2011 at 3:27am - misc - by Eric Forrest - United States (Utah)

Today, a police officer gave me a ticket for smoking. He told me that my parents would have to be contacted to come pick me up. My drunk dad came to the rescue, and almost hit the police car. Way to go dad. FML

#14945548
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22773) - you deserved it (16065)

On 02/12/2011 at 3:05am - misc - by savanna(: - United States (Utah)



FML's blog

  • FML's badges: pointless but essential!
  • If you're a regular on FML, it probably means that you're a member. Whatcha mean you're not a member? Right, for a start, run along and create yourself an account. Doing so will allow you to comment on…

Monday 23 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: