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FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, I was texting my boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed my copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of your shit." Then dumped me for my "dumb taste in humor." FML

#20696601
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63536) - you deserved it (13875)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

#20689805
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46018) - you deserved it (3447)

On 05/27/2013 at 6:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was at dance rehearsal. As a male dancer I like to keep the fact that I dance a secret because of the stupid stereotypes male dancers have. This plan was quickly shot down when I discovered I was performing at my school. FML

#20639678
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40448) - you deserved it (5516)

On 05/03/2013 at 8:39pm - misc - by DeActivated (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

#20456674
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46587) - you deserved it (7949)

On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, after giving my husband a new video game that he's been wanting, along with homemade waffles and a surprise blowjob, he gave me my gift: two packets of ramen noodles, and toilet paper. FML

Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML

#20421301
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26141) - you deserved it (3016)

On 12/25/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by everore - United States (Utah)

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be cute to leave a love letter in my car while I was at work. She left my lights on. I got a dead battery. FML

#20179747
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22718) - you deserved it (2279)

On 11/26/2012 at 1:59pm - love - by Blake Lawrence - United States (Utah)

Today, I found out that the woman from My Strange Addiction who can't stop picking her scabs is married. I've been single for two years and I don't even pick my nose. FML

#20179069
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19219) - you deserved it (2983)

On 11/25/2012 at 11:39pm - love - by Sam (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

#20158312
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21154) - you deserved it (2908)

On 11/11/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Danny - United States (Utah)

Today, at work I was trying to be nice and give a customer a discount because she was having trouble finding money to pay for her food. Everybody behind her then demanded a discount as well. FML

#20147029
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13053) - you deserved it (25966)

On 11/04/2012 at 9:16am - work - by cassiebee - United States (Utah)

Today, I bought the only cat on Earth that doesn't like chasing after a laser dot. Goodbye, hours of sick, sick entertainment. FML

#20026951
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12196) - you deserved it (22667)

On 08/17/2012 at 7:33pm - animals - by lonelygirl (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

#20009342
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6240) - you deserved it (45490)

On 08/08/2012 at 10:00am - misc - by FutureMarine3658 - United States (Utah)

Today, I was babysitting three kids, one of whom was particularly difficult to control. While trying to get him to behave, the two girls came up behind me and pulled my pants down. In front of a huge window open to the street below. FML

#19994550
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19964) - you deserved it (2158)

On 07/31/2012 at 1:43pm - kids - by 1D-107 - United States (Utah)



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