FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, I told my mom I was going hiking with a couple of friends and wouldn't be back for 4 or more hours. Not even 2 hours later, she called the cops and reported us as missing. She didn't realize that we wouldn't have service up the canyon so we could call her back. FML

by use your brain mother / 06/16/2015 at 1:47am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, my two managers, both over 30, were arguing over whether or not butter is a sauce. FML

by Goatczar / 04/29/2015 at 10:49am / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, while getting ice cream with a friend, her car got broken into. Nothing was taken except my backpack, which contained assignments making up 50% or more for grades in four separate classes. FML

by Caroline1812 / 04/24/2015 at 7:58pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I showed my father a nice sweatshirt online, hoping he would take the hint and get it for me. He did, three sizes larger than mine, for himself. FML

by SkottLong / 03/10/2015 at 2:19am / United States (Utah) / Money

Today, I noticed my ex was feeling down. We ended things on good terms and I've been wanting to start things up again, so I figured I'd bring him dinner to cheer him up and maybe hang out. Looks like he and his one night stand get to eat my home cooked food while I go home to Netflix. FML

by DramaticEmily / 03/02/2015 at 7:29pm / United States (Utah) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I announced to my friends that my grandmother is dying. My best friend pulled out his phone and casually announced, "Technically, everyone is dying." FML

by Dartfrogger / 02/12/2015 at 2:16pm / United States (Utah) / Health

Today, I learned that my mother has been telling people that I need anger management. I'm not attending anger management, I'm attending therapy to aid in my recovery from abusive relationships. She doesn't understand the difference or why I find it upsetting. FML

by thxmom / 01/04/2015 at 12:25pm / United States (Utah) / Health

Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML

by jitterbug / 01/02/2015 at 12:36am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave feedback on how the store is run at the owners' request, because they don't understand why everyone keeps quitting. I guess they took it personally, because they asked me not to come back. FML

by outofajob / 01/01/2015 at 6:03pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, my ex boyfriend got married to the girl he told me was his sister. FML

by single / 12/24/2014 at 4:49pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

by pubemilkshake / 12/07/2014 at 9:12pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML

by AAnonymous / 11/05/2014 at 8:57am / United States (Utah) / Health

Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2014 at 6:14pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous