FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, I walked in on one of my co-workers jerking off in the bathroom, complete with heavy breathing and victory groans. I don't want to go to HR, but I can't even look at him anymore. We have to work on a project together next week. FML

by Sandman2015 / 01/29/2016 at 1:36pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, I learned that I have a sinus infection, ear infection and bronchitis so bad it was on the verge of pneumonia. My work won't let me call in sick. I work with kids. Lovely. FML

by sicky / 01/27/2016 at 12:02am / United States (Utah) / Health

Today, the company I work for lost 3-weeks worth of time sheets, so we have to fill them all out again. I don't remember what I did yesterday, let alone three weeks ago. That's why I religiously fill out the time sheets in the first place. FML

by sideeffect001 / 01/22/2016 at 12:03pm / United States (Utah) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had a dream where I was having the best sex of my life. With Donald Trump. My boyfriend hasn't stopped laughing. FML

by whatthefuck / 12/27/2015 at 6:22pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, my father-in-law asked me if I have breast implants in front of the whole family for the third time this month. FML

by sharee / 12/19/2015 at 3:51pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, I confessed to my coworker that I'm interested in her romantically. She turned me down, saying that I'm a great guy, but that she basically doesn't want mixed-race children. She said she isn't racist, though, so I guess it's all okay, right? FML

by disgusted / 12/13/2015 at 2:45am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I'm in my third week at a new job. Using an online service our company recommends, I accidentally downloaded a virus that is now working its way through our website, randomly sending our customers Viagra ads via our email. I personally had to tell the founder of the company. FML

by He Hates Me... / 10/20/2015 at 8:15pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, I found out I'm allergic to mosquito repellent. I fly out on a two month trip to India on Saturday. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2015 at 10:31pm / United States (Utah) / Health

Today, I met my fiancé's much older sister for the first time. Turns out she is actually my old high school English teacher who used to make me cry at least 3 times a week. It's been three hours and I've accidentally called her Miss Willow 4 times and been reduced to tears twice. FML

by Alice / 08/30/2015 at 8:13am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I planned on telling the girl I like that I have feelings for her. What I didn't plan on was having a panic attack and whispering "I really like you!" super creepily and immediately saying "bye" and running away in shame. FML

by Afroman720 / 08/26/2015 at 12:14pm / United States (Utah) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I am two months pregnant. Being super hormonal, I was crying about how much I was crying. My husband put his arms around me to comfort me, and I sobbed so hard that I threw up all over him. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2015 at 6:55pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

by sendhelp / 08/03/2015 at 1:31am / United States (Utah) / Health

Today, I went to put a lasagna in the oven for dinner. I was greeted by a revolting scent of a chicken-soup and biscuits boxed dinner. The fridge apparently was too full for my brother to put it away inside, so he covered it up and forgot about it in the oven. We made that dinner two weeks ago. FML.

by Anonymous / 07/26/2015 at 6:43pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous