FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, when my ex said he wanted to be friends, what he meant was that he wanted me to help him hook up with 18-year-olds. FML

by boyBYE / 11/16/2016 at 6:30pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, my best friend got jealous that his dog likes me more. He told me I have to spank it whenever it cuddles with me so it will love him more. FML

by Dirtbikesnowboard / 11/09/2016 at 2:00pm / United States (Utah) / Animals

Today, I got yelled at by a customer for saving them money. FML

by marenthehollow / 10/30/2016 at 8:33pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, I saw my two-year-old son trying to floss his teeth. He was using an earthworm. FML

by Fffhjno / 09/28/2016 at 2:15pm / United States (Utah) / Kids

Today, I found out that the loud noise outside my bedroom a few weeks ago was neighborhood kids throwing eggs at my window, landing on the AC. FML

by Rizmo / 09/25/2016 at 3:11am / United States (Utah) / Kids

Today, a cute guy complimented me on my legs. I, being the awkward person that I am, panicked and replied, "Thanks, I grew them myself." FML

by Randomspaghetti / 09/15/2016 at 5:11pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was walking up to a urinal I heard a small hiss. I looked up just in time to get an eye full of chemicals from the automatic air freshener. I rinsed my eye out and went back to the urinal. It happened again. FML

by el_Jeffe_D / 09/11/2016 at 12:05pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent a ridiculous amount of time working and reworking a design for a client. Eight hours and many tears later, she sends an email saying, "Let's go with the first design. I liked that one the most." FML

by averagemom4days / 09/06/2016 at 10:45pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went over and helped her up. Instead of thanking me, she called me a pervert and slapped me around with her cane. FML

by fuckit / 07/23/2016 at 2:52am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the store, I didn't hear the cashier when she asked if I had a loyalty card. She took one look at my naturally bitchy-looking face and muttered "It's my JOB to ask, jeez." FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2016 at 1:53pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, that awesome new dubstep song that I was rocking out to in my car was actually my transmission falling apart. FML

by El Jeffe / 07/05/2016 at 1:54pm / United States (Utah) / Transportation

Today, I saw my ex best friend and my cheating ex-girlfriend hanging out at the gym, where I work. They signed up here just to piss me off. It's working. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2016 at 6:35pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the same school and had a job lined up in town, he decided not to come with me because the Internet at our apartment wasn't going to be fast enough for his gaming. FML

by GoAggies / 06/21/2016 at 1:11pm / United States (Utah) / Geek