FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

by pickit / 02/24/2010 at 9:26pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was very sick, and my boyfriend was taking care of me at his parents' house. I was laying on the couch, innocently watching a movie while he rubbed my feet, when his stepmother came home from work. She freaked out, accused us of having it off on her couch, and kicked me out. FML

by Greymoya / 02/24/2010 at 9:18am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while visiting my in-laws, I went into their home office in search of a sheet of scrap paper. Instead, I found printed copies of every email and IM my husband and I had ever sent each other, including pictures. Highlighted and annotated by his mother. FML

by ks0300 / 02/24/2010 at 12:47am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML

by medik / 02/23/2010 at 7:51am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I have been crushing on for 2 years. At the end of the date he tells me that he is moving away and as his going away present, I could pay for dinner. FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2010 at 6:28am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, while eating at an outdoor café, a man on the street came up to me and said, "My girlfriend is sexier than you, bitch." Thanks for the confidence boost. FML

by sandiego / 02/22/2010 at 12:02am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my step-mom yelled at me for an hour, calling me a slut because our male dog saw me naked. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary at the park. I was watching him play around with the wood chips on the ground and thought I saw him making a heart being romantic, so I got on top of the playground to look. Turns out it was the balls of a giant penis, complete with pubes. FML

by lost_ina_dream / 02/20/2010 at 8:21pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML

by Ennui / 02/20/2010 at 2:12pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

by VahnSeiro / 02/20/2010 at 1:04am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my cousin - who suffers from bipolar disorder - shot herself in the chest and has only a 20 percent chance of living. I told my boyfriend, while crying, and he held me for a few minutes. As soon as I got quiet, he pulled out his iPhone and started playing a shooter game. FML

by lynn / 02/17/2010 at 1:30am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, after recently having had surgery, I Iearnt that some extra tissue was needed to cover up the hole in the roof of my mouth. Where did they get this tissue? From a dead person. I now have the flesh of a dead person in my mouth, which by the way is now infected. FML

by Sophie / 02/17/2010 at 12:07am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to be a stripper when she grew up, just like daddy's girlfriend. We're still married. FML

by ShayisPay101 / 02/15/2010 at 1:58pm / United States (Texas) / Love