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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, me and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today. We were all giggling like little girls for the better half of 15 minutes. I don't know what is more sad, that a bunch of guys were sucking helium instead of working, or that the youngest guy in the group is 43. FML

#2110386
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43096) - you deserved it (13823)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after a long night of cramming for an extensive Anatomy final (detailed diagrams included), I check the senior final schedule to find that Anatomy is not till tomorrow, but I take Calculus in 10 minutes. This is followed by an e-mail from my teacher saying I can exempt Anatomy. FML

#2108783
100 comments

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

#2103981
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18755) - you deserved it (88315)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Takuma (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I adopted a dog from the local shelter. I put the dog in the car and he was shedding everywhere, but I was ok with that because he was my dog. As I pulled into the parking lot, the dog began to poop in the backseat of my car. When I got him out of the car, he ran off. $100 for him to poop and run away. FML

#2097800
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41604) - you deserved it (9362)

On 05/19/2009 at 10:17pm - animals - by Debra2005 - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

#2037920
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48946) - you deserved it (9920)

On 05/18/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

#2005903
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28934) - you deserved it (86126)

On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while biking I got into a major crash with two cars. The cars were parked. FML

#1982205
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11324) - you deserved it (52280)

On 05/16/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Pokerking98 - United States (Texas)

Today, in class the guy next to me was talking to a girl across the room using gestures to help get across his message. Apparently, pointing at me is the best way to say "ugly." FML

#1979778
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48827) - you deserved it (3185)

On 05/16/2009 at 1:34pm - misc - by uglyguy252 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that the only human being I have talked to in the last three days is the guy at the drive thru. FML

#1933415
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41824) - you deserved it (14868)

On 05/14/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by shrimp41 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I drove home in my brand new car, hoping to surprise my girlfriend. She came out the house laughing, saying how funny it was, and how I look like a "twollop" in it. Then in all seriousness, she asked me when I was getting my "actual car" back from the garage. FML

#1922061
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36497) - you deserved it (4624)

On 05/14/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Badnewca (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of her underwear. FML

#1918683
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58497) - you deserved it (6947)

On 05/13/2009 at 9:45pm - kids - by chelserusera (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML

#1893907
355 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84040) - you deserved it (4619)

On 05/13/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by chaos2007 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was jogging in my neighborhood when I saw a kid's ball roll over to where I was jogging. I stopped grabbed the ball for the kid and started to hand it to him. He then yelled "Stranger Danger" and his parents came sprinting out. I had to explain the story to the police for 30mins. FML

#1864532
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56896) - you deserved it (2787)

On 05/12/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by TheJoker (man) - United States (Texas)



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