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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home and was knocking on the door asking "What are you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I got dressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answers, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe." FML

#459925
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76716) - you deserved it (13872)

On 03/19/2009 at 2:05am - intimacy - by Zoe123 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was curling my eyelashes in my bathroom and while I was counting to 5 my brother flung open my door. I jumped and ended up ripping out all my eyelashes. Now I have to wait until they grow back. FML

#319307
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75079) - you deserved it (7685)

On 03/14/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by CPN (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking, as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it. I went camping alone. Two strangers were in my camper having sex. FML

#315595
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (126330) - you deserved it (9639)

On 03/14/2009 at 1:08am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a text message. My phone was sitting on the edge of the bed and set on vibrate, so it fell off. I reached down to grab my phone and fell off the bed. My macbook landed on top of me. I fractured my arm and broke my laptop to read a text from facebook. FML

#279648
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53120) - you deserved it (18335)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:06am - misc - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking to school and decided to be a good citizen by picking up a beer can on the sidewalk. I then walked on to my school's campus where I then got suspended by my dean for "trying to rebel", grounded by my parents for getting suspended, and an MIP from the school's police guard. FML

#267564
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60901) - you deserved it (7899)

On 03/11/2009 at 1:04am - misc - by fmlmylife - United States (Texas)

Today, the cute boy in my biology class I had been crushing on invited me over to study for a huge test. Once I got to his house, I really had to use the bathroom. I ended ending up taking a huge dump and clogging up his toilet. He had to come plunge it for me. FML

#261901
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67823) - you deserved it (21037)

On 03/10/2009 at 4:42pm - love - by musicaddict (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I stretched out my wedding dress on my bed so it could air out before the big day tomorrow. Later I returned to my room only to find my cat on my wedding dress, it peed on it. FML

#260115
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52280) - you deserved it (14847)

On 03/10/2009 at 11:53am - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

#252691
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13121) - you deserved it (96497)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:52pm - misc - by collegegirl90 - United States (Texas)

Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They decided it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML

#242158
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52611) - you deserved it (3634)

On 03/08/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by kelsey (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was looking at some comments on a silly YouTube video of me dancing with some friends. Someone posted a comment saying "Girl on the right is hot!!!." Next to that, it had about 31 thumbs down. I'm the girl on the right. FML

#240683
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41668) - you deserved it (8828)

On 03/08/2009 at 4:47am - misc - by Ugly (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase. I said, "Accidents happen." She replied, "Yeah, like your birth." FML

#234028
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91697) - you deserved it (17805)

On 03/07/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Cody (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML

#179475
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47196) - you deserved it (8386)

On 03/02/2009 at 12:52am - kids - by alejita (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

#145421
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16296) - you deserved it (48252)

On 02/26/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Stixchop (man) - United States (Texas)



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