FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I found out that my best friend is moving to Arkansas, and my girlfriend is going with him. FML

by LadyGagasLOVER / 08/08/2010 at 4:49am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I decided to clear up some storm damage. I carefully cut a tree that was threatening to fall on my house. It fell on my neighbor's house instead. He's taking me to court for damages. FML

by Zinfandel / 08/07/2010 at 2:04am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my mom is having an affair... with her cousin. FML

by Drew / 08/05/2010 at 1:18am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, some jerk super glued leaves and a note onto my car's front windshield. Not only is it directly in front of the driver's seat and makes it nearly impossible to drive, but it won't come off. What makes it worse? I was spending the night at a friend's house and the note was meant for her. FML

by Mustang / 08/04/2010 at 9:13pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I was the love of his life. Afterwards, he clarified his statement. I was the love of his life, because I was in his life at that moment. FML

by robm / 07/26/2010 at 4:15pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my husband left for a two-week trip. Last night he gave the dog a treat of steak fat and gristle. My treat? I am on bed rest with my pregnancy and helpless to stop the rancid dog farts that are silent and smell like a burning septic tank exploded. FML

by fartingdogprego / 07/23/2010 at 9:18am / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

by justmyluck25 / 07/23/2010 at 8:59am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, while taking pictures by the pool, my friend wanted to use my camera. I told her to put the wrist strap on so it wouldn't fall into the pool. She dropped the camera while trying to put the strap on. FML

by Me. / 07/23/2010 at 1:58am / United States (Texas) / Geek

Today, I discovered that my cleaning lady steals valuables from me, and covered it up by saying that "the vacuum must've eaten it." FML

by lauren / 07/08/2010 at 12:51am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight. Doubting our relationship, I asked him seriously if he loved me. He looked thoughtful, gathered me in his arms and said, "If I say yes, will you be less pissed?" and then tried to stick his hand down my pants. FML

by BadLuckinLove / 07/07/2010 at 6:56am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I have to pack for tomorrow's family vacation. For one week I get to be stuck in a one bedroom cabin with my alcoholic father, bipolar mother, and two much younger siblings who have a passion for screaming. FML

by toriforever / 07/05/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I saw a woman still texting on her phone as she started to drive away when the light turned green. I made sure to stare her down and give her a dirty look because she wasn't paying attention to driving. She laughed as I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

by Crash / 06/30/2010 at 7:06pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML

by Tp / 06/29/2010 at 8:39pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous