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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, while walking home with my mom, some unoriginal cockshart in a passing car yelled at me: "Fuck her in the pussy!" It was a long, awkward walk home after that. FML

#21308349
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30030) - you deserved it (2730)

On 11/29/2014 at 8:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to explain to a customer that 50% off a $50 item did not make the item free. FML

#21307823
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38220) - you deserved it (2512)

On 11/28/2014 at 10:36pm - misc - by idiots - United States (Texas)

Today, my supervisor was watching a video of his son. I heard a voice in the background and asked if it was Elmo. It was his wife. FML

#21302177
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30766) - you deserved it (5060)

On 11/19/2014 at 3:56pm - work - by bookworm - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my mom that my boyfriend, who I've been living with for a year, and I were moving to another state at the end of the month. I told her in a restaurant, over lunch, where she then just got up and left me there without saying a word. FML

Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML

#21293465
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33655) - you deserved it (6478)

On 11/06/2014 at 3:15pm - love - by notsofriendly (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found a $20 bill on the ground, so I decided to pick it up. It was actually attached to a string and was meant to be a prank by some kids. They failed miserably, so I took the money. They ran up to me and punched me in the balls for taking their cash. FML

#21290736
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34886) - you deserved it (6967)

On 11/02/2014 at 7:11pm - money - by ethawesome1125 - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I went shopping for an engagement ring. We ended up breaking up in the process. FML

#21289613
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40377) - you deserved it (6713)

On 11/01/2014 at 10:06am - love - by limegreengiraffe - United States (Texas)

Today, I got approached by a lady while eating at a fast-food restaurant who asked if I could spare five dollars. Confidently, I pulled out my wallet to show her that I had no cash, only to reveal a perfectly crisp five dollar bill that I had completely forgotten about. FML

#21284180
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30214) - you deserved it (16187)

On 10/24/2014 at 1:02am - money - by Yeah (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got my graduation photos back. I'd sent them to a friend for touching up, but unfortunately we had a major argument recently. I guess that's why in the photos I've been photoshopped out and replaced with a goat. FML

#21283103
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31547) - you deserved it (6338)

On 10/22/2014 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML

#21276832
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38955) - you deserved it (7364)

On 10/13/2014 at 10:15am - intimacy - by badplacerightnow (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33007) - you deserved it (15448)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got robbed. I just moved so I didn't have much in my new house. They did decide that my cat was valuable enough to steal. FML

#21271461
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45536) - you deserved it (2955)

On 10/05/2014 at 7:30pm - animals - by FML - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Which would be great if my girlfriend wasn't allergic to birth control. FML

#21270163
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45160) - you deserved it (4218)

On 10/03/2014 at 3:04pm - health - by oncehipjr (man) - United States (Texas)



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