FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I brought my girlfriend of four months home for dinner to meet my parents. The first thing my mom says to her? "Oh my God, you're real!" FML

by Charlie / 05/04/2011 at 11:30pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while handing out business cards to promote my new dog grooming business, I stopped to talk to a potential client. She let me get all the way through my 15 minute speech, before bothering to tell me she didn't have a dog. FML

by Asirual / 05/02/2011 at 2:02pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

by Burnt / 05/02/2011 at 5:33am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my elderly father-in-law grabbed my breasts in the pool at a family gathering. I'd let it go as an accident if this wasn't the 4th time it happened today. FML

by nothanks / 05/01/2011 at 10:30am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML

by Sammy / 04/27/2011 at 1:07pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I woke up to find a parking ticket on my car. My car was in my driveway and the cop who wrote it is my ex-boyfriend. This is the third time. FML

by neverdatingacopagain / 04/25/2011 at 12:24am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, my dog ate a $2,000 check. My credit card bill gets taken out of my bank account tomorrow. FML

by TDCC / 04/16/2011 at 9:06pm / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML

by overflowing / 04/16/2011 at 6:20pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. His partly digested nachos decided to make an appearance halfway through. FML

by ColdHeat / 04/16/2011 at 3:18pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. My usually detached and unromantic boyfriend rushed right over after work with flowers and movies. A little while later, he admitted excitedly that he'd heard the numbing medication also works on gag reflexes and wanted to test the theory. FML

by Numb / 04/11/2011 at 3:27pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my head has been killing me. I've had the worst headache ever. Happy that I could finally sleep, I plopped onto my bed and bashed my head on the wall. FML

by Monique / 04/10/2011 at 2:50am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I filed my taxes. As a divorcée with children, I was supposed to get $3,500 back from the IRS. Alas, my ex's new wife already filed with my children, who don't live with her. I now owe the IRS $250. FML

by fuckmylifeLulu / 04/09/2011 at 12:07pm / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML

by tbright010 / 04/08/2011 at 6:48pm / United States (Texas) / Animals