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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I started my period. Every time I try to open a tampon, my dog goes crazy thinking it's one of his treats. Now I have to open them with my hair dryer on. FML

#21466537
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22798) - you deserved it (2744)

On 09/09/2015 at 3:55pm - animals - by nah - United States (Texas)

Today, at my new job, I walked into the office to hear my supervisor and HR manager talking about how, "the new guy isn't very smart, but we can get him to do the shit work for a couple weeks." Gee, thanks. FML

#21463530
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22213) - you deserved it (1817)

On 09/01/2015 at 10:39pm - work - by texasbest (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to give my dog a bath. Instead, my dog gave me a bath. FML

#21461710
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18675) - you deserved it (3607)

On 08/28/2015 at 1:18pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML

#21461344
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10871) - you deserved it (30381)

On 08/27/2015 at 1:44pm - love - by O0hdear - United States (Texas)

Today, I've reached the point in my life where the "Apply to affected area" label on acne cream essentially means I need to take a bath in the stuff. FML

#21460776
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23478) - you deserved it (1862)

On 08/26/2015 at 12:33am - health - by Whiteheads - United States (Texas)

Today, after putting in 110% at my shitty job for two years straight, my boss told me point-blank I'm too good in my current position for him to ever be able to justify promoting me. FML

#21460378
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23517) - you deserved it (1527)

On 08/25/2015 at 1:51am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I turned in an essay about a book I'd read over the summer. My teacher later called me to her desk and began to gush about how interesting the book sounded and asked to borrow my copy. The book I wrote about is not real, and the main characters are named after my childhood pets. FML

#21458720
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21624) - you deserved it (16128)

On 08/21/2015 at 1:15am - misc - by technicallywroteabook (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was driving home. I desperately needed the bathroom, so I was speeding a little bit. A cop pulled me over and gave me hell. He said he'd heard my story a hundred times and didn't believe me. I couldn't hold it and ended up marinating in my own piss while he ran my plates. FML

#21458464
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22510) - you deserved it (2642)

On 08/20/2015 at 1:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my niece started crying because she thought that someday she'll look like me. FML

#21458278
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23993) - you deserved it (1900)

On 08/19/2015 at 11:25pm - kids - by ambiiii - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized how cheap I am when I blacked out at a water park and some one yelled "Call 911!" I tried to mutter out "No, that's too expensive!" FML

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I had any kinks, so I told him all about them. He was actually mad because I didn't have the same 'sexy kinks' the girls in porn have. FML

#21456100
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25944) - you deserved it (2388)

On 08/14/2015 at 6:42pm - intimacy - by maybe if i was paid like them i would (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML

#21455862
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21689) - you deserved it (1843)

On 08/14/2015 at 3:01am - animals - by MushyKetchup (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. When I went to change into tight jeans which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled: "It's the mommy show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML

#21454009
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24166) - you deserved it (2370)

On 08/09/2015 at 8:37pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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