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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, while shopping for Black Friday, I got in line, hoping to get an Xbox One. I spent so long mistakenly standing in line for the bathroom that the store had sold out by the time I realized my mistake. FML

#21497594
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21257) - you deserved it (13498)

On 11/27/2015 at 7:18pm - money - by nitemastr15 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

#21494790
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27989) - you deserved it (2602)

On 11/20/2015 at 9:43am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML

#21493073
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30406) - you deserved it (3105)

On 11/16/2015 at 1:44am - intimacy - by WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after my close friend had his baby, he told me that he was no longer going to be selling weed at his house. I was happy for him, because it's unsafe. Until I found out he was still selling at my house with the help of my roommates, without telling me. FML

#21492969
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25351) - you deserved it (3761)

On 11/15/2015 at 9:34pm - misc - by Potted - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend got pissed off and is now sulking, all because I didn't make a huge deal out of our 1-month "anniversary". FML

#21492656
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21425) - you deserved it (3463)

On 11/14/2015 at 11:44pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend was diagnosed with a UTI. He thought men can only get UTIs by "catching" them from a woman, so he blamed me for it. FML

#21492350
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21150) - you deserved it (1649)

On 11/14/2015 at 4:12am - health - by Darth Spasticus (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while changing the litter in the cat box, the brand new carton ripped open, spilling all twelve pounds of cat litter over my kitchen floor. Both cats promptly rushed over and began frantically urinating all over it. FML

Today, I overheard my parents talking about my husband. Apparently, they think he's a nice guy and all, but they don't really see him as "husband material." They think I would have been better off with my ex, who doesn't have a job and hurt me both physically and mentally. FML

#21490870
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27214) - you deserved it (1523)

On 11/10/2015 at 3:46pm - love - by thanksforallyoursupportmomanddad - United States (Texas)

Today, I got married. The minister pronounced us husband and wife using our first names. Except he used my husband's ex-wife's name. I happened to glance at my mother-in-law who was almost in tears from laughing so hard. FML

Today, I found a diaper in the parking lot. It's been raining all morning. This was the wrong day to wear flip-flops. FML

#21489166
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20932) - you deserved it (3780)

On 11/06/2015 at 9:27am - work - by dirtytoes (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML

#21488729
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20951) - you deserved it (2379)

On 11/05/2015 at 10:31am - misc - by GoldenSteve - United States (Texas)

Today, after years of difficulty, I finally found the perfect shade of foundation that matches my ultra-pale complexion. It's called "Death Flesh." FML

#21486907
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22894) - you deserved it (2177)

On 11/01/2015 at 1:22pm - misc - by 2pale - United States (Texas)

Today, in an effort to look more professional at work, I wore high heels. My boss decided today would be a great day for me to walk around on the sidewalk holding a sign to advertise instead of doing the job I was hired for. FML

#21486186
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22186) - you deserved it (2168)

On 10/30/2015 at 2:56pm - work - by whythebunny (woman) - United States (Texas)



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