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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I found out that the only reason my parents have been letting me hang out with my friends so late is so they can search my room for drugs. FML

#21395867
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28522) - you deserved it (3023)

On 04/18/2015 at 7:55pm - misc - by Armstrong (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got into an argument with my racist brother after he opened his god damn stupid mouth in front of my girlfriend. He actually tried to convince me that he's not a racist, because one of his favorite types of porn is black girls getting fucked by white guys. FML

#21395531
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29348) - you deserved it (2480)

On 04/18/2015 at 12:57am - misc - by assault and imnotracistbuttery (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML

#21392424
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24153) - you deserved it (1885)

On 04/12/2015 at 3:49pm - health - by drewcaver - United States (Texas)

Today, I got grounded because my mom found a condom in the bathroom trashcan and assumed it was mine. I took the blame because I was too embarrassed to admit that it must have belonged to my 13-year-old brother, since I'm still a virgin at 19. FML

#21391452
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30374) - you deserved it (4664)

On 04/10/2015 at 7:16pm - misc - by uglybrother (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was pickpocketed. I didn't realize until I stopped to get breakfast. I went back home to see that my dog had taken my wallet and had ripped and torn it up. I was pickpocketed by my own dog. FML

#21388506
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27610) - you deserved it (3433)

On 04/06/2015 at 7:44am - animals - by tannerrosetx_1 - United States (Texas)

Today, the last thing I remember before getting the shit beaten out of me at the bar, was my dipshit brother saying to me, "Dude, I'm not a racist, but" and then ranting about how non-whites should get out of America. FML

#21387285
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27449) - you deserved it (2765)

On 04/03/2015 at 11:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was pulled over by a policeman. He thought I was drunk, after doing the "walk in a straight line" test and the "finger-to-nose" test. It wasn't until after I got a fine that I got it through to him that I have cerebellar ataxia, and that I wasn't drunk. FML

#21387213
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27484) - you deserved it (2147)

On 04/03/2015 at 8:42pm - health - by NotDrunk - United States (Texas)

Today, I got in an argument with an ex-girlfriend who kept tactlessly bragging to me about her new boyfriend. I told her to read what she'd sent me, then pretend her boyfriend was telling her that. Fifteen minutes later, her boyfriend calls me, yelling for making her feel sad. FML

#21384606
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29270) - you deserved it (3195)

On 03/31/2015 at 5:35am - love - by lucasbeck99 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was doing homework and I had my leg bent in a funny position. When I stood up, my hip dislocated. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. When people ask me what happened, I have to say I dislocated my hip doing calculus. FML

#21381072
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28635) - you deserved it (2992)

On 03/25/2015 at 12:24am - health - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that the reason I didn't get the job that I have been working my butt off for over a year for is because they can't find anybody who can do my current job as good as me. I am too good to be promoted. FML

#21373611
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34874) - you deserved it (2752)

On 03/13/2015 at 2:21am - work - by hard work doesn't work - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother in law accidentally cc'd me on an email she was sending to my husband, telling him that his youth is fleeting and that he should leave me while he still has time. FML

#21373326
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30277) - you deserved it (2192)

On 03/12/2015 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I jokingly sent my girlfriend a link to an article about giving better head. She didn't think it was funny, and has since sent me numerous articles about the female orgasm, and I just got a link to the Wikipedia article about the clitoris. FML

#21372045
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (319) - you deserved it (48608)

On 03/10/2015 at 7:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a call from a potential employer. Unfortunately, I couldn't understand the man due to his incoherent mumbling. I had to decline the job after asking him to repeat everything he said, over and over again. I still don't know exactly which job I declined. FML

#21368765
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25455) - you deserved it (2213)

On 03/05/2015 at 5:26pm - work - by phishy (woman) - United States (Texas)



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