FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I worked my boyfriend's shift so he could stay home. I even brought him the free meal I got for helping out. Turns out he wanted to stay home so badly to cheat on me. FML

by xxruby / 02/24/2015 at 4:07pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and still waitressing at a local restaurant. There were only 3 of us serving today and things were hectic. One guy bitched me out, saying "Maybe if you lost some weight you'd walk a little faster!" because I wasn't fast enough with his soup. FML

by blahblah1993 / 02/20/2015 at 12:56pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

by heymacie / 02/19/2015 at 12:45am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was talking to my best friend's brother after we drunkenly hooked up last night. I've had a crush on him for over a year. He ended up interrupting himself and said, "Please don't tell anyone about this. I don't want anyone to think we're dating or anything." FML

by foreveralone / 02/17/2015 at 10:48am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, while talking with my ex, I mentioned I was depressed about turning 40. He said he'd been depressed about turning 40 as well, until he started screwing hot 20-somethings. We were still together when he turned 40. FML

by notdaddy / 02/16/2015 at 11:39am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I spent an ungodly amount of money to send my long-distance boyfriend a giant bouquet of roses for Valentine's Day. A few hours after making the non-refundable payment, he let me know we weren't going to work out, and that he was already sleeping with someone else. FML

by cyprianista / 02/13/2015 at 11:13am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I beat her once again in a trivia game. She said that I was cheating, and if I was cheating on the game, I was definitely cheating on her as well. FML

by Vampire Teabag / 02/12/2015 at 11:25am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I found out the only reason my parents want me to live with them is because of the tax refund. FML

by Firewielder / 02/10/2015 at 9:26pm / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, my mother called me, telling me how disappointed she was at how I let my room "become such a pigsty." I haven't lived there in three years. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2015 at 5:24pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2015 at 9:33am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, hours after being turned down for sex, I woke up to my boyfriend sitting at the computer, jacking off to a picture of my deceased mom. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2015 at 6:51am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

by ZAnon / 02/06/2015 at 2:06am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I was talking to my friend in Spanish because he understands it better than English. We were in the middle of a discussion about a TV show when some guy from our school ran up, spat on my shoes and screamed, "I SPEAK SPANISH, STOP TALKING ABOUT ME!" and ran away. FML

by marigoldcobain / 02/04/2015 at 6:11pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.