FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I found a diaper in the parking lot. It's been raining all morning. This was the wrong day to wear flip-flops. FML

by dirtytoes / 11/06/2015 at 9:27am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML

by GoldenSteve / 11/05/2015 at 10:31am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, after years of difficulty, I finally found the perfect shade of foundation that matches my ultra-pale complexion. It's called "Death Flesh." FML

by 2pale / 11/01/2015 at 1:22pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, in an effort to look more professional at work, I wore high heels. My boss decided today would be a great day for me to walk around on the sidewalk holding a sign to advertise instead of doing the job I was hired for. FML

by whythebunny / 10/30/2015 at 2:56pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to celebrate our 4-year anniversary with a shadow box I had made for her of our memories over the years. I left her house single, with a small bag of "breakup candy." FML

by zeeman2015 / 10/27/2015 at 9:32am / United States (Texas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in just over an hour. You win this time, questionable pork souvlaki. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2015 at 7:46pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was grooming one of my horses, when she stepped on my foot. I yelled and frantically tried to push her away. She turned her head toward me and shifted the rest of her weight onto my foot. I'm in the hospital now. FML

by sophiilou / 10/24/2015 at 12:46am / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a customer at my coffee shop bitched me out because we don't sell cranberry juice. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2015 at 11:06pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was babysitting a 2 year old. He was messing around with a silver fork and I told him it was dangerous. He then got mad at me and started crying and stabbed me right in my foot. Be warned, even though they're little, they can still cause a lot of pain. FML

by Some Guy / 10/11/2015 at 8:54pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, while walking home after a night of partying, I saw a thin, bald person in a suit looking at me from across the street. I got flashbacks to the Slender Man, screamed like a little bitch and ran. Then I realized I'd just humiliated myself in front of some random guy waiting for a bus. FML

by shitbucketsfilledwithshit / 10/08/2015 at 12:04pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I'm staying at my grandparents' house. I went upstairs to grab my sketchbook to show off to my grandma. My grandpa is half-deaf, which I guess explains how he didn't hear me. I heard him though, jerking off and muttering the most disgusting sexual things about "Tara." I'm Tara. FML

by T-Bear / 10/07/2015 at 11:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I realized my sister has a yeast infection. How, you ask? Her tube of yeast infection cream and my tube of toothpaste look remarkably similar. I'm still trying to get the taste out of my mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2015 at 5:57pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my company let me go after 3 months. A day before my wedding and with zero advance notice. FML

by ryu1356 / 09/22/2015 at 9:24am / United States (Texas) / Work