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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my parents decided to get with the times. So far, they've made me get Snapchat and Instagram accounts, and made me add them on Facebook. They keep acting like annoying teenagers, and get mad at me when I don't play along. For the love of god, somebody save me. FML

#21134960
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43977) - you deserved it (4986)

On 05/09/2014 at 4:41pm - misc - by Anais Strongrump III Jr. (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my four year old son came into the restroom while I was applying my make-up, and asked me "Mommy, are you putting on make-up so that someone will love you?" FML

Today, while at my brother's funeral, my girlfriend decided to tell me she's been sleeping with him. FML

#21126504
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57468) - you deserved it (3573)

On 04/29/2014 at 6:40pm - love - by loserman - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my son to go to the grocery store across the street and pick up some lettuce. He sighed and said, "Why don't you just order it on Amazon?" FML

#21124599
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44583) - you deserved it (6986)

On 04/27/2014 at 7:01pm - kids - by nh-Amazon - United States (Texas)

Today, I waited two hours in line at college to select my classes. I finally got to the desk, only to be told I have to apply online before I can show up in person. FML

#21122928
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35779) - you deserved it (9066)

On 04/25/2014 at 6:59pm - misc - by firelava (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

#21116530
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26471) - you deserved it (44706)

On 04/18/2014 at 5:31pm - kids - by cantprovenothing (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories sake". FML

#21115090
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50418) - you deserved it (4249)

On 04/16/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by exasperated (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my in-laws moved in. FML

#21107985
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63586) - you deserved it (5856)

On 04/08/2014 at 9:42pm - misc - by Great (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

#21105190
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43400) - you deserved it (13496)

On 04/05/2014 at 1:48pm - work - by =( (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I have pink eye. Four weeks ago I had scabies. I'm an elementary school teacher, and I'm apparently under attack from biological weapons: my students. FML

#21102371
94 comments

Today, I met my future mother-in-law. All went well; she complimented my dress, and I complimented her haircut. Then she and her son had a screaming match over how our children will be fat because of their mother. FML

#21093159
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39493) - you deserved it (3563)

On 03/22/2014 at 12:49am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to give a deposition ahead of a trial in which my former boss is accused of fraud. I'm not a smart man, and I smoked a joint before heading out to try to calm my nerves. I got way too high and ended up giggling like an idiot through half the deposition. FML

#21091940
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16986) - you deserved it (64584)

On 03/20/2014 at 5:03pm - misc - by screwed (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend decided it was time to spice up our sex life. He now watches Sons Of Anarchy when we have sex. FML

#21091327
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40736) - you deserved it (6164)

On 03/19/2014 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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