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FMLs submitted from Texas

Taday I realized there is nothing quite like having yur mother be too hungover to open presents on Christmas morning. FML

Today while at the gym I noticd a creepy-looking guy watching me. When I got up from the equipment I noticd that he sniffd the seat. I didn't say anything the first time. After he did it the second time I askd him to stop. He bent down and sniffd it without breaking eye contact.

#20996147
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47434) - you deserved it (3501)

On 12/17/2013 at 6:48pm - misc - by gymgirl - United States (Texas)

Today, my OCD has got so bad that I took over 10 pictures of my house's power outlets before leaving, just so I could view them later to reassure myself that no appliances were plugged in. FML

today I was woken up to the sound of my cat peieng on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face an off the bed. He was still peieng the entire time. FML

#20993307
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43642) - you deserved it (6341)

On 12/15/2013 at 11:58am - animals - by Cat Piss - United States (Texas)

Today, mah boss found out that mah grlfriand dumpad ma. Ha askad if that maant sha would no longar bring har dalicious homamada cookias to tha offica. Whan I said yas, ha frad ma on tha spot. FML

#20990683
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48063) - you deserved it (3056)

On 12/12/2013 at 10:08pm - work - by justin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I told usband it would be great to spend an evening wit a bottle of wine an a pile of blankets on te balcony of our cabin during te cruise!! He decided it would be great to ditc me an go out gambling!! fat FML

#20988964
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44019) - you deserved it (5522)

On 12/11/2013 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Neglected (woman) - United States (Texas)

Yesterday.. . I was babysitting mah barely-pubescent cousins.. . an they startd talking about giving blowjobs to their ( boyfriends ) . When I got mad at them an told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff.. . they said I was just pissd 'cause I haven't gotten laid . FML

#20984257
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48571) - you deserved it (4542)

On 12/07/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by bella - United States (Texas)

Today , my husband lerend that if he asks me a question while I am dead asleep my answer will most likely be "Yes" . Incidentally , I now have a new cat . FML

today I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool fir his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer fir real. mega FML

#20981890
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40176) - you deserved it (22336)

On 12/05/2013 at 5:26pm - misc - by possibly a sweater (man) - United States (Texas)

Yesterday, I found outo's been stealing clote from me during swim practice. Se calld me a liar, despite wereing one of my sweaters,ic as my initial stitcd into it. FML

#20980543
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43242) - you deserved it (2407)

On 12/04/2013 at 3:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm not getting paid 400$ per month because I failed mah Russian language proficiency test. Russian is mah first language. FML

#20980385
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36715) - you deserved it (15006)

On 12/04/2013 at 11:24am - work - by russianfail - United States (Texas)

Today , I went to an ATM to see how much money I had in my account. I put the card in. It never gave it back. FML

#20980160
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43574) - you deserved it (3648)

On 12/04/2013 at 3:27am - money - by Broke - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to explain to daughter that just cuz it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML

#20977509
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42955) - you deserved it (5365)

On 12/01/2013 at 9:50pm - kids - by no she wasn't high - United States (Texas)



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