Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I was talking to my best friend's brother after we drunkenly hooked up last night. I've had a crush on him for over a year. He ended up interrupting himself and said, "Please don't tell anyone about this. I don't want anyone to think we're dating or anything." FML

#21357951
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28826) - you deserved it (4906)

On 02/17/2015 at 10:48am - intimacy - by foreveralone - United States (Texas)

Today, while talking with my ex, I mentioned I was depressed about turning 40. He said he'd been depressed about turning 40 as well, until he started screwing hot 20-somethings. We were still together when he turned 40. FML

#21357283
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33395) - you deserved it (3513)

On 02/16/2015 at 11:39am - intimacy - by notdaddy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I spent an ungodly amount of money to send my long-distance boyfriend a giant bouquet of roses for Valentine's Day. A few hours after making the non-refundable payment, he let me know we weren't going to work out, and that he was already sleeping with someone else. FML

#21355292
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31640) - you deserved it (3748)

On 02/13/2015 at 11:13am - love - by cyprianista - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I beat her once again in a trivia game. She said that I was cheating, and if I was cheating on the game, I was definitely cheating on her as well. FML

#21354669
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32271) - you deserved it (2841)

On 02/12/2015 at 11:25am - love - by Vampire Teabag - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out the only reason my parents want me to live with them is because of the tax refund. FML

#21353677
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28953) - you deserved it (2480)

On 02/10/2015 at 9:26pm - money - by Firewielder (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother called me, telling me how disappointed she was at how I let my room "become such a pigsty." I haven't lived there in three years. FML

#21352213
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28804) - you deserved it (1902)

On 02/08/2015 at 5:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML

#21351411
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27304) - you deserved it (6177)

On 02/07/2015 at 9:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, hours after being turned down for sex, I woke up to my boyfriend sitting at the computer, jacking off to a picture of my deceased mom. FML

#21351381
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47198) - you deserved it (3769)

On 02/07/2015 at 6:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

#21350749
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33737) - you deserved it (3406)

On 02/06/2015 at 2:06am - animals - by ZAnon - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking to my friend in Spanish because he understands it better than English. We were in the middle of a discussion about a TV show when some guy from our school ran up, spat on my shoes and screamed, "I SPEAK SPANISH, STOP TALKING ABOUT ME!" and ran away. FML

Today, I shaved for the first time. My mum gave me a razor and I spent about 20 minutes trying to use it. I gave up, yelling, "FUCK IT!" and put it back on the shelf. It fell, and as it hit the floor, a lid fell off. I'd tried to shave with a sheathed razor for 20 minutes. FML

#21349366
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14632) - you deserved it (38256)

On 02/03/2015 at 10:45pm - health - by februarymarchapril (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got back from a two-day trip for which I'd left my husband and kids at home. There's fresh vomit inside of my oven, and my 4 year old son has a mullet. FML

#21347579
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32133) - you deserved it (3686)

On 02/01/2015 at 12:50am - misc - by neverleavingagain (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML

#21347235
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29299) - you deserved it (2396)

On 01/31/2015 at 10:08am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: