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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my coworker decided to give me "the talk". I'm 21 and not a virgin, yet most of what she said was new to me. FML

#21426929
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27060) - you deserved it (4477)

On 06/16/2015 at 8:05am - intimacy - by poorlyparented - United States (Texas)

Today, while talking to my parents, I dropped an ordinary drinking glass. After I apologized and cleaned the mess, they told me that they had decided that if I couldn't be careful at home, I certainly couldn't be careful on the roads. They took away my keys. I'm 19. FML

#21426656
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26765) - you deserved it (2417)

On 06/15/2015 at 7:07pm - misc - by PatientlyDying (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my husband going down on another woman. Instead of speaking, he looked at me, got up, and slammed the door. FML

#21424579
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33614) - you deserved it (2287)

On 06/11/2015 at 4:51pm - intimacy - by lolatmylovelife - United States (Texas)

Today, my apparently insane and now ex-girlfriend actually claimed she didn't technically cheat on me, because she set her Facebook relationship to "single" before screwing my brother. FML

#21423879
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30200) - you deserved it (1807)

On 06/10/2015 at 11:28am - intimacy - by waiting till marriage, she said (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw someone accidentally leave their headlights on downtown. Trying to be a helpful, I chased them down 2 blocks only to be informed that their headlights automatically turn off. FML

Today, I found out that my husband really thinks onion rings are seafood. He's 36. FML

#21422504
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22811) - you deserved it (2128)

On 06/07/2015 at 8:53pm - misc - by onionrings (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML

#21421687
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27446) - you deserved it (2278)

On 06/06/2015 at 9:01am - intimacy - by cockblockedbyFB - United States (Texas)

Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML

#21421289
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26541) - you deserved it (2152)

On 06/05/2015 at 2:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, when leaving my apartment, I instantly noticed there was a giant dump truck in our lot, which turned out to be directly behind my car. After making a 20-point escape from my parking space and getting to work late, my roommate texts me "DUDE guess what I got last night". A giant dump truck. FML

#21420204
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24816) - you deserved it (1884)

On 06/03/2015 at 12:18pm - misc - by dump truck hater (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was riding my newly trained horse. I've recently been suffering from bad gas, and ended up farting so violently, it spooked my horse into bucking me off and running away. FML

#21419654
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23874) - you deserved it (4596)

On 06/02/2015 at 11:23am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML

#21417917
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32498) - you deserved it (2834)

On 05/30/2015 at 3:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that a classmate and I have the same glasses. To prove it, I tried bending his glasses, since mine are flexible and can bend. I snapped his glasses in half. FML

#21417809
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12378) - you deserved it (35512)

On 05/29/2015 at 10:31pm - misc - by smartass - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to clean out a woman's vagina after sex. FML

#21410748
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32830) - you deserved it (2395)

On 05/15/2015 at 10:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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