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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to clean out a woman's vagina after sex. FML

#21410748
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31468) - you deserved it (2363)

On 05/15/2015 at 10:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he was dating me. He replied, "Well, there's not a lot of options at this college." FML

#21410138
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29750) - you deserved it (4195)

On 05/14/2015 at 6:17pm - love - by what even - United States (Texas)

Today, on my first driving lesson, I crashed my instructor's car. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. FML

#21407296
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23443) - you deserved it (9724)

On 05/09/2015 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

#21406460
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29442) - you deserved it (7379)

On 05/07/2015 at 10:18pm - intimacy - by Bonnie and Clyde - United States (Texas)

Today, after waking up in a panic because I was running late for work again, I realized I was fired for that exact reason the day before. FML

#21404798
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15780) - you deserved it (26864)

On 05/04/2015 at 10:08pm - work - by Jobless in Seattle - United States (Texas)

Today, after waiting for 2 weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML

#21401631
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26025) - you deserved it (3578)

On 04/29/2015 at 7:11am - love - by xxlenalunaxx (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML

#21401449
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27729) - you deserved it (2363)

On 04/28/2015 at 10:43pm - animals - by simple living - United States (Texas)

Today, due to awkward circumstances, I am living with my ex-girlfriend and her new girlfriend. FML

Today, I learned that, when you ask your girlfriend "Do you think we're having sex too often?" she might interpret it as, "I don't think we should have sex ever again," and entirely stop talking to you. FML

#21398912
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23860) - you deserved it (10693)

On 04/24/2015 at 7:38am - intimacy - by Sexless from Texas - United States (Texas)

Today, my prom dress came in the mail. I don't know what happened with the tailoring but not only does it not fit, but it also looks like deli meat. FML

#21396978
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24480) - you deserved it (2912)

On 04/20/2015 at 5:41pm - misc - by Deli meat prom - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that the only reason my parents have been letting me hang out with my friends so late is so they can search my room for drugs. FML

#21395867
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28490) - you deserved it (3021)

On 04/18/2015 at 7:55pm - misc - by Armstrong (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got into an argument with my racist brother after he opened his god damn stupid mouth in front of my girlfriend. He actually tried to convince me that he's not a racist, because one of his favorite types of porn is black girls getting fucked by white guys. FML

#21395531
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29319) - you deserved it (2476)

On 04/18/2015 at 12:57am - misc - by assault and imnotracistbuttery (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML

#21392424
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24119) - you deserved it (1883)

On 04/12/2015 at 3:49pm - health - by drewcaver - United States (Texas)



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