FMLs submitted from Tennessee

Today, it's been a week since I flew down to stay with my long distance boyfriend. We went on long walks on the shore, under the stars, and had an unforgettable picnic viewing the sunset. I just now received a message of screenshots displaying him attempting to hook up with another girl. FML

by Nothing Special / 12/23/2015 at 1:54am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, while giving my final speech, a bump that had been growing on my arm popped. Pus leaked through my white dress sleeve, and it smelled like death. Everyone noticed. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2015 at 3:24pm / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, I realized that the "toothpaste" that I'm always cleaning out with my hands from the sink drain is actually my little brother's semen. FML

by cole66 / 11/29/2015 at 1:43pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me I should stop talking about his major gambling problem because he still loves me even though I gained weight. Apparently that evens things out. FML

by desigirl / 11/09/2015 at 8:03pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, my husband got angry and stormed out of the house because he claims I wasn't pressing the buttons he told me to while playing Pokemon. FML

by I'm my husband's second mom / 11/03/2015 at 2:14am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I had my first job interview since graduating from university. The person who interviewed me informed me that not using my degree after two years practically makes it null and void. I guess instead of being a financial advisor at the company, I could always be a janitor there. FML

by OutOfWork.OutOfTime / 10/27/2015 at 9:34pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, my 8-month-old dog decided to decorate the living room by tearing apart a rented college textbook, the reference guide that went with it, and part of a color therapy book. FML

by cherokeems / 10/20/2015 at 2:28pm / United States (Tennessee) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML

by halfie / 09/26/2015 at 1:06am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about what we want to be when we grow up. He said he wanted to be a bartender, and single. FML

by lhazel / 09/16/2015 at 10:36pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I found out that the medicine I've been taking for my headaches is responsible for my headaches getting even worse. FML

by desbuhbear / 08/27/2015 at 1:50pm / United States (Tennessee) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my 82-year-old great grandfather informed me that his "peeter" still works, and that most guys his age can't say the same. FML

by yamaha_313 / 08/11/2015 at 12:20am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that you can ruin a $500 computer with a few stray drops of 100% acetone nail polish remover on the keyboard. FML

by just wanted nice nails / 08/05/2015 at 12:37am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was so incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2015 at 8:54pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love