FMLs submitted from Tennessee

Today, my grandpa saw one of the paintings in the guest room at my house. "What the fuck?" he snorted, then said whoever painted it should "stick to their damn day job". I painted it. FML

by is cum a fruit or a vegetable? / 07/17/2015 at 1:50pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a break-up text while in a cramped car with my whole family. I had to choke back tears as we got stuck in traffic with the radio playing one love song after another. FML

by ThatOneChick856 / 07/10/2015 at 7:23pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was having a dream about Chris Pratt. Instead of having a sexy dream that I would have enjoyed, I dreamt he was a supervisor at my work. He kept telling me how much I sucked. FML

by BrittUnicorn / 07/06/2015 at 11:14am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, after finally spending the night with my longtime crush, it's as if I can still feel her fingers caressing my hair. But wait, no, that's just the head lice she gave me. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2015 at 4:08pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, we had customer complaints of a child molester hanging around our restaurant. After confrontation by a manager, he wouldn't leave. I had to be walked to my car after my shift by more than one person because I look 12 and they were afraid for me. I'm almost 19. FML

by ilook12 / 06/23/2015 at 11:23pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, my fiancé threatened to break up with me if our dog couldn't be the best man at our wedding. FML

by anonymous / 04/26/2015 at 9:35am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "God" told her to. I guess "God" didn't have any problems with me buying dinner first. FML

by wil / 04/25/2015 at 1:55pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, my nurse girlfriend told me she's more attracted to the veins in my arm than any other part of me. FML

by veiny / 04/21/2015 at 9:48am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, while walking my dog, I opened my mouth to yawn. A wasp took the opportunity to fly into my mouth and announce its presence by stinging my tongue. FML

by lovinlife028 / 04/10/2015 at 11:08am / United States (Tennessee) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at the DMV I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, setting my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML

by usadisvet / 04/02/2015 at 2:43am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, my girlfriend of a month told me that the only thing keeping her from swallowing a bottle of pills is being in a relationship with me, because she doesn't handle breakups well. FML

by cherokeems / 03/26/2015 at 1:44pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. The first thing he did was hand me a paper containing listed rules he expects me to follow. When I asked if it was a joke, he promptly pointed to number 7 on the list, "Cleanliness is not a joke". FML

by mukduk / 03/16/2015 at 8:26am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was told that I need to learn to "let things go" by a woman who held a four-month grudge over a ham sandwich. FML

by NoHamForMeThanks / 03/08/2015 at 10:36pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous