FMLs submitted from Tennessee

Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML

by anna14 / 02/21/2010 at 2:34pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I opened the freezer for some Poptarts and a giant block of meat fell and broke my toe. FML

by freakingow / 02/14/2010 at 1:05pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was painting, my little nephew came in and started watching me. I left to clean my brushes. When I came back into the room, my nephew had spilled paint all over the carpet making a rainbow. It took me 5 hours to clean it up. FML

by ositsranielle / 02/13/2010 at 12:32pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, I was fired from my job. Why? Because my boss has been dating my newly divorced mother, and he didn't want family get-togethers to be "awkward." FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I ran into a former college classmate at Subway. He gushed on and on about how I was the only one in our class with true potential. Then I asked him what kind of sandwich he wanted, because 3 years out of college, Subway is still the only place that will hire a music major. FML

by Prodigy / 02/11/2010 at 9:07am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I was working when an older lady came up to buy a coffee. Her son cried for a cup of whipped cream to snack on. She shook her head, silently telling me to say no. I said we were out. The mother took her drink and said, "I'm sorry honey, but the mean man said you couldn't have any." FML

by nichaneely / 02/09/2010 at 10:32pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I got called out of class to talk to some cops. Turns out my car was involved in a hit and run accident, while I was in school and there was no possible way it could have been me. But since they have no one else, it's my fault. FML

by sweeeeet / 02/08/2010 at 10:29pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked outside, slipped, busted my head, and had to get 7 stitches. Turns out my son thought it would be funny to spray the sidewalk with water last night so it would freeze. He got a laugh, and I spent over $100 on the stitches. FML

by Anonymous / 02/03/2010 at 3:04pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I slipped on my icy front porch, fell back and hit my head on the step. I tried to get up, but lost my balance and fell halfway into the bush next to the steps. I then looked up to see my very hot, British, Ex-Special Forces next door neighbor laughing so hard he dropped his snow shovel. FML

by youlyingjerk / 01/31/2010 at 9:12pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out a friend of mine likes me. It wasn't by a cute gesture like a sweet little note, or a beautiful heartfelt confession like you might expect. He sprang at my boyfriend and choked him (while I strained to pull him off). Right during the middle of our 60+ student populated class. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2010 at 3:09am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a completely improvised audition for the school play. The director called me and one of the cutest guys auditioning to improvise an intimate scene. Knowing that I'm a complete klutz, I wasn't all that surprised when I tripped over my feet and landed with my face in his crotch. He was. FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2010 at 12:25am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got yelled at by one of my bosses. The reason? I was yawning. I work at Starbucks. Apparently I wasn't 'promoting' correctly. FML

by nichaneely / 01/21/2010 at 12:29am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, one of my employees lit my tie on fire. FML

by mcdman / 01/19/2010 at 12:00am / United States (Tennessee) / Work