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FMLs submitted from Surrey

Today, I was at the supermarket when I saw an elderly lady slip on a wet patch of floor. I ran over to help, and I almost fell too before steadying myself. Then some pimply cockmunch of a teen decided to kick my legs out from under me and walk away while laughing his balls off. FML

#19558069
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25685) - you deserved it (2033)

On 05/01/2012 at 12:17pm - health - by karmafails (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML

#19416403
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23479) - you deserved it (9624)

On 04/06/2012 at 7:10am - intimacy - by TJ - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I repeatedly screamed so loudly and with such emotion at a video game, that my neighbours thought I was in trouble and called the police. FML

#19399944
194 comments

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by text at 1:30 am because he didn't want to give me "the dread of answering a phone call." When I asked him for an explanation, his reply was, "For what?" FML

#19039937
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24434) - you deserved it (2434)

On 02/10/2012 at 4:59am - love - by 1.30am (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old daughter why she can't pull a duck face pose for her driver's license. She still doesn't believe me. FML

#18982251
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30217) - you deserved it (3965)

On 02/03/2012 at 2:58am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my boyfriend told me love is like a drug. I started tearing up because this is the most romantic he has been in a while. He then went on to break up with me, telling me that my "prescription is up". FML

#18577154
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30916) - you deserved it (3192)

On 12/22/2011 at 3:09am - love - by Jean - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

#17838831
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37523) - you deserved it (7042)

On 09/26/2011 at 11:35am - intimacy - by Oops (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, at a fancy dress party, I got off with Hitler. FML

#17277146
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20768) - you deserved it (37521)

On 07/27/2011 at 3:23am - intimacy - by SallyGeen (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I work part time, got very drunk, and flashed her boobs at everyone. I found out when a picture was posted on Facebook. FML

#16527434
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34542) - you deserved it (2884)

On 06/06/2011 at 9:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my dad came to visit me. By visit I mean he arrived, took a huge smelly dump and left. This is the first time I've seen my dad in months. FML

#16466098
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32887) - you deserved it (2842)

On 06/02/2011 at 10:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I managed to stab myself with a knife while trying to open something without a can opener. After getting stitches and returning back home, I went to make a cup of coffee. I found the can opener in the cutlery drawer. FML

#15576285
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16805) - you deserved it (26719)

On 03/31/2011 at 3:18pm - misc - by nicky (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my friends were acting strange around me. This afternoon, I got a text asking me to meet them out for a couple of drinks. Because of all the strange acting, I decided to tell them I'd go and then not go. I just found out they had been planning me a surprise party. FML

#14627617
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7639) - you deserved it (46024)

On 01/18/2011 at 3:53pm - misc - by slondons (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML

#14521055
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22115) - you deserved it (3475)

On 01/09/2011 at 1:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)



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