FMLs submitted from Stockport

Today, I laid in bed until 3am kept up by a house party. In my own house. Which my housemates didn't invite me to. FML

by Anonymous / 06/14/2015 at 4:10am / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Miscellaneous

Today, my new doctor asked if I'm sexually active. I said no. He nodded and murmured "No surprise there." Thanks, mate. FML

by Mona Lisa was a skank-ass ho / 05/24/2015 at 11:56am / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went indoor rock climbing. After finally making it to the top, my pants ripped on my last move. I wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2015 at 10:43am / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML

by his word vs mine = me suspended / 08/10/2013 at 2:41pm / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Work

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

by hardee fucking har yourself, sir / 08/07/2013 at 6:00pm / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of a year dumped me by text. It's also the day that the birthday present I ordered for him was finally processed and shipped, meaning I can't cancel and get my money back. FML

by lovefool / 01/12/2011 at 5:58am / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Love

Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2010 at 2:08am / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Love

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

by Damnsoup / 07/02/2009 at 8:12pm / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Love

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys... a big black rubber cock. FML

by J / 02/07/2009 at 4:16pm / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Miscellaneous