FMLs submitted from South Carolina

Today, I was playing basketball in the searing heat with my friends. I jokingly told my friend that I was gonna die if I stayed out there much longer. Two minutes later, I got the ball and made the shot that won. Too bad I didn't see it, since I collapsed right as I took the shot and blacked out. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2016 at 12:07am / United States (South Carolina) / Health

Today, I decided to be honest and told my husband I didn't love him anymore. It ended with a warrant for his arrest. FML

by ktpnothappening / 04/03/2016 at 12:03pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, this guy I was seeing dumped me for "bombarding" him with text messages. I'd sent him one text asking if he was okay, after he stood me up 2 nights in a row. FML

by Ace / 03/31/2016 at 10:17pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I was asked to prove that I was Chinese by translating the phrase, "Ching chong ming chang ho". I'm not even Chinese. FML

by Asian / 02/07/2016 at 2:03pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I walked around town I noticed some guys and even a couple of girls checked me out. When I got home later I realized they probably weren't checking me out, so much as wondering why the hell I had thick black eyeliner on only one eye. Oops. FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2016 at 2:15pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML

by NAT / 01/03/2016 at 11:15am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to several dead snails and worms all over my bed. I guess that's what my little sister meant yesterday when she said I'd be sorry for not letting her play on my phone. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (South Carolina) / Kids

Today, a customer gave me the dirtiest look ever and muttered "goody two-shoes prick" after I asked if he'd like to donate a few cents to charity. FML

by well scrooge you too / 12/25/2015 at 11:24pm / United States (South Carolina) / Work

Today, I found a disturbing video on my 8-year-old's tablet. In the video, I was suffering from sleep paralysis. He's convinced I'm part demon. FML

by mommiedearest / 12/24/2015 at 11:06am / United States (South Carolina) / Kids

Today, my 19-year-old brother broke into my dorm and robbed me. When I tried to file a report, my brother went to my parents and told them that he took it because I owed him money on a bet. Guess who lost $92.50. FML

by Already Broke Asf / 11/17/2015 at 8:51pm / United States (South Carolina) / Money

Today, I found out everyone in my neighborhood thinks that I'm a beaten woman due to the reoccurring ambulances in front of my house at night. My kid just chokes on everything, and they don't believe me. FML

by NotABeatenWoman / 11/08/2015 at 7:36pm / United States (South Carolina) / Health

Today, my dad got dressed up in formal clothes, and I asked what the occasion was. He said he had a hot date, which would've been fine if he hadn't told me what was "on the menu", namely "wining, dining, sixty-nining". Thanks for that image. FML

by ew / 11/03/2015 at 10:43am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, we learned that our dog can run and urinate simultaneously. The entire house smells like piss. FML

by anonymous / 08/15/2015 at 11:16pm / United States (South Carolina) / Animals