FMLs submitted from South Australia

Today, my cat vomited violently. I can smell it but I can't find it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2011 at 4:49pm / Australia (South Australia) / Animals

Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full time job at one work place would be too 'depressing'. I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML

by Lauren / 08/09/2011 at 9:48am / Australia (South Australia) / Work

Today, my new mailbox key finally arrived. Not at the front door as I requested, but in the mailbox. FML

by MailMaster / 07/22/2011 at 12:20am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML

by Anonymous / 07/21/2011 at 7:46pm / Australia (South Australia) / Kids

Today, I learned how to wolf-whistle properly, and then learned what it feels like to be slapped on the head. FML

by youknowwhatitis / 06/22/2011 at 9:31am / Australia (South Australia) / Health

Today, I was on my way home on my bike when a lady in a 4WD cut me off while beeping her horn and calling me a "stupid f**ker who should get a proper education." In her car, she was smoking, and her three children weren't wearing seat belts. FML

by faza4327 / 04/06/2011 at 3:43am / Australia (South Australia) / Transportation

Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML

by djoe / 10/28/2010 at 8:00am / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy

Today, it's my birthday, and the only person that called me was my boss. He wants me to cover his shift tonight. FML

by unloved / 10/14/2010 at 6:10pm / Australia (South Australia) / Work

Today, while tearfully telling my closest friends that I had miscarried my first pregnancy, the first thing out of their mouths was, 'So, does this mean you're going to start drinking with us again?' FML

by mommymo / 09/16/2010 at 6:59am / Australia (South Australia) / Kids

Today, I walked in the door and heard my husband calling me to the bedroom. I got a little excited, took my clothes off, and walked into the bedroom. I forgot our mortgagor was inspecting our house today. FML

by Lewis / 09/04/2010 at 7:02am / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy

Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML

by crashingdown / 05/29/2010 at 1:28am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having an in depth discussion with my girlfriends father about how corrupt journalists are and how our town's paper is the worst paper on the planet. After insulting basically everything about the newspaper, I asked him what he did for a living. He's the editor of the newspaper. FML

by annonoymus / 03/16/2010 at 12:00pm / Australia (South Australia) / Transportation

Today, after years of thinking I was weird for never being attracted to anyone, I realized that for the first time in my life I actually have a crush on someone. That 'someone' is my English teacher. He is 60. I am 18. FML

by allwrong / 03/16/2010 at 6:27am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous