FMLs submitted from Rhode Island

Today, I got a spray tan. The lady asked what shade I wanted to be, and joking, I said the darkest. She took it seriously. Now no one can recognize me, and I have work tomorrow. FML

by Sally / 08/21/2011 at 8:17pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years still refuses to memorize my phone number or remember my birthday because he says there is a limited amount of space in his brain and he does not want to push any important information out. FML

by skidoosh / 07/13/2011 at 9:44pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I received roughly 50 paper cuts while I was at work. I didn't realize this until after I applied hand sanitizer. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2011 at 12:35pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

Today, I got fired via text. The last sentence was, "Wish you the best, take care!" FML

by amf / 06/02/2011 at 11:08pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

Today, when I weighed myself on my scale, it broke. FML

by trev / 05/30/2011 at 12:12pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Health

Today, I received my first wedding present in the mail. I opened it immediately and called the sender to say thanks. She yelled at me for opening it and, because she shipped it to me by mistake, requested it back. FML

by bride2be / 02/13/2011 at 9:22pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML

by Katrina / 02/13/2011 at 5:32pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, my husband invited a couple of his college friends over for dinner. While we were in the middle of eating, one of them asked loudly, "Hey, whatever happened to that fat bitch you dated in your third year?" We've been dating since his second year. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 2:06pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. Right when I arrived, his little sister said, "She's a lot fatter than you said!" FML

by Some Girl / 01/08/2011 at 1:38am / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I attended my son's Christmas concert. When I went to sit down in the last available seat, a woman said she was saving it for her husband. Having nowhere else to sit, I stood in the back, for an hour. The seat remained empty for the entire concert. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2010 at 5:47pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Kids

Today, I got fired from the job I'd had for eleven years for going onto Facebook while on the clock. When I got home, I saw that my boss had updated his status, from work, to "Finally fired that bitch." FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2010 at 9:41am / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

Today, my boyfriend walked out of the bathroom, informed me he'd accidentally peed on the floor, and told me I could clean it up when I get a chance. FML

by anti-peecleaner / 11/22/2010 at 5:35pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, my mother was over visiting. My three year old ran out of my room chasing the cat with his toy. He smacked the cat with it, the cat scratched him, he dropped it and ran away. I was busy with the baby so I asked my mom to take the toy away. She walked back holding my pink dildo. FML

by bottomdrawerraider / 11/17/2010 at 12:13pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy