FMLs submitted from Queensland

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2014 at 5:00pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, while driving to my daughter's wedding, the person behind us kept laying on her horn and yelling every time I stopped for a red light. That person was my wife. Sadly I'm too whipped to stand up to her and spent the whole drive pretending not to hear my passengers snickering at me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2014 at 10:23am / Australia (Queensland) / Transportation

Today, I realized that at 20 years old I already have noticeable wrinkles around my eyes. But to balance it out, my chronic acne keeps me looking youthful. FML

by Unlucky / 11/14/2014 at 9:18pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me via Twitter. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2014 at 3:37am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, a guy told me I "kind of look like a girl" if he looked at me from the right angle. Well, I am a girl, and this is the closest thing to a compliment that I've gotten in years. FML

by MikaykayUnicorn / 09/21/2014 at 10:57am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out I'm allergic to bug repellent. So instead of having a couple of itchy bug bites, my skin feels like it's on fire and is violently itchy everywhere the repellent has touched. FML

by adamwilcockson / 09/18/2014 at 12:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML

by abusedparrot / 08/24/2014 at 8:40am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML

by haileelouxxx / 08/22/2014 at 8:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML

by facefuckedguy / 08/12/2014 at 5:23pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

by pocketrocket90 / 08/08/2014 at 2:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, one of my customer's pipes were blocked. As I went to unblock it, about a handful of used condoms collided with my face. I don't know if I should be disgusted by this or disgusted by my customer. FML

by failallday / 08/07/2014 at 5:09am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I got sent to the head teacher's office for doing "stupid hand gestures and disrupting the class". Yesterday my teacher told the class to do the same hand gesture to ask for permission to go to the toilet so it wouldn't interrupt her talking. FML

by Bad Teacher / 08/01/2014 at 1:24am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

by fuckendog / 07/25/2014 at 2:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals