FMLs submitted from Queensland

Today, I got an email. It said "Everyone hates you. We voted." FML

by JustAnotherTina / 12/02/2009 at 10:26am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 5 year old lactose intolerant daughter decided to have some chocolate. The result: me cleaning the bathroom walls at 3am, finishing at 4:30am, and then start cleaning again at 5am when her stomach contents decided I had missed a spot. FML

by Widespread / 11/18/2009 at 3:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I parked my convertible in the 5 minute bay at the post office. When I came back out I noticed a bum in the front seat pretending to drive it. After shouting at him and pulling him out, he stumbled off. I was then slapped with a ticket for being parked longer than 5 minutes. FML

by John / 11/15/2009 at 1:08am / Australia (Queensland) / Transportation

Today, we got our results for our final grade English paper on which I worked my butt off on, and also which I let my best-friend copy off from. I received a E- and two detentions for plagiarism. My friend got a A minus. All she said was "oh well, at least you tried your best". FML

by fuck_thisshit / 11/09/2009 at 5:27am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2009 at 8:02pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, a customer complimented me on how good I looked for my age. She thought I was in my forties. I'm 18. FML

by Anonymous / 11/05/2009 at 10:29pm / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML

by seriousdubsteplover / 10/30/2009 at 1:08am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that I needed to reapply for my job in order to have a chance at keeping it. The applications closed yesterday. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2009 at 5:37pm / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I was tinting my own eyelashes when I missed my eyelashes and stabbed myself in the eye with the applicator loaded with dye. Now, I have beautiful lush black eyelashes, to match my half closed swollen red left eye. Sexy. FML

by Bunni / 10/22/2009 at 6:22pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, I missed my University entrance exam because of heavy traffic. I was stuck at one intersection for over an hour. The real kicker? It took me less than 10 minutes to drive home. FML

by roadrage / 10/22/2009 at 9:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML

by Ignitingmylightsaber / 10/18/2009 at 7:29am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I went to my company's HR manager to ask what the procedure was to file a sexual harassment complaint since my boss exposed himself to me. His response was that the procedure is to "get over it." And he went back to reading. FML

by dyingtinkerbell / 10/18/2009 at 7:14am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I told a lady that came into my clothing store that I thought her abstract looking necklace was pretty. She responded, "Oh... Thats actually a pipe that goes into my lung." FML

by oopsjsp90 / 10/17/2009 at 4:45am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous