Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Queensland

Today, I was cuddling with the man I've been seeing, and he started caressing the mammoth of all pimples on my back. He continued fondling me while lecturing me on the dangers of skin cancer. FML

#21525452
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14478) - you deserved it (1402)

On 02/12/2016 at 10:13am - health - by tooembarrassed - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I worked up the confidence to go to the mall alone for the first time since being confined to a wheelchair. It didn't even take 20 minutes before some teenager grabbed my wheelchair and tried to race me around, all while his friends watched and laughed. FML

#21523102
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26920) - you deserved it (1188)

On 02/05/2016 at 3:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML

#21523010
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20380) - you deserved it (2686)

On 02/05/2016 at 7:37am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I tried to hold my new boyfriend's hand while on a date. He let go quickly though, letting me know that we aren't at "that stage" of the relationship yet. We've been having sex for two weeks now. FML

#21485280
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26943) - you deserved it (5282)

On 10/28/2015 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML

#21468528
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16962) - you deserved it (17991)

On 09/14/2015 at 7:58pm - misc - by C BOMB (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I dropped my toothbrush. Because I have the spatial awareness of a mentally-retarded gnat, I hit my head against the sink as I bent down to get it. Then I did the same on the way back up, almost KO'ing myself. My boyfriend saw the whole thing and nearly pissed himself laughing. FML

#21467535
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23979) - you deserved it (4504)

On 09/12/2015 at 4:11am - health - by dammit (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had my daughter babysit her 2-year-old brother while I went out with my husband. I told her not to let him out of her sight. She certainly did as I said; when I tuned into our internet-enabled baby monitor, I heard her and some guy having sex in the room. FML

#21460833
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24690) - you deserved it (2692)

On 08/26/2015 at 4:04am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, driving to work, I stop to let an old man cross the street. The driver behind me honks their horn, so I decide to drive slow to piss them off. A few turns later, I pull into the car park and notice the other driver following me. She works in the office next to mine. We met the other day. FML

#21450445
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21883) - you deserved it (6374)

On 08/01/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by Hellasboy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while shopping with my sister, she asked me to wait for her while she quickly said hello to a friend. I sat on a bench for an hour before I realised she wasn't coming back. Turns out "hello" had turned into a date. FML

#21449387
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26113) - you deserved it (2225)

On 07/30/2015 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating the absolute shite out of each other in a bar fight, all to avoid admitting my black eye was from my 7 year old son punching me in the face the other day. FML

#21436121
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21863) - you deserved it (6153)

On 07/03/2015 at 11:41pm - health - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I quit my job so I wouldn't have to work with this one complete fuck-wit anymore. I told him what I thought of him, and then walked away giving him the middle finger. Turns out, he is a regular customer at my new job. Everyone loves him and thinks he's awesome. FML

#21435181
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25751) - you deserved it (9667)

On 07/02/2015 at 12:49am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while alone in the childcare centre I work at, one of the children farted bad enough to trigger my morning sickness. Because I was alone, I couldn't leave the room, which resulted in me throwing up into a 2-year-old-sized toilet, while 12 toddlers either watched or ran wild. FML

#21434454
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24347) - you deserved it (1710)

On 06/30/2015 at 4:26pm - work - by sickatwokr - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I asked my boyfriend to come hang out with me. He said he was busy and had to do homework. Since he never studies, I got suspicious and went to check up on him. I found him playing dress-up with his cat. He's 17. FML

#21421616
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28661) - you deserved it (4797)

On 06/06/2015 at 1:52am - animals - by iamfab - Australia (Queensland)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: