FMLs submitted from Pennsylvania

Today, I wanted to be creative. I hid an engagement ring for my girlfriend inside one of her running shoes. I expected her to find it and wake me up, but she didn't. Later, when I asked if there was anything in her shoe, she responded, "There was a rock. I just shook it out outside. Why?" FML

by fmlll / 08/28/2009 at 11:08am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me "Dude, you know those are for girls right?" I am a 30 year old woman. FML

by secretdeo / 08/24/2009 at 12:48am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister went into early labor. Instead of telling me, my mom turns to my dog and says "Guess what? You're going to be an uncle!" Our new dog ranks higher than me in our family's metaphorical food chain. FML

by bigscarypuppy / 08/22/2009 at 1:39am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML

by younggrammy / 08/20/2009 at 4:15pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I re-dislocated my arm trying to get it out of the cast it was in because I didn't want to pay the $50 dollar fee to get it taken off. FML

by flaps / 08/19/2009 at 5:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML

by litterbox_girl / 08/18/2009 at 9:13pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, there were some wasps getting in my bedroom from a hole in the frame of my window. I went outside with some spray and took out their entrance. What I didnt know is that when you spray wasps, they go the other direction. I now have 60+ wasps flying around my bedroom. FML

by BearGrillz / 08/17/2009 at 7:40pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I went into my Moms room to look for a t-shirt. I went into her drawer and behind all of her clothes was a cell phone. Not only did I not find the t-shirt, I also found out my Mom is cheating on my Dad with someone from work and now I have to pretend like I don't know. I work there too. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2009 at 4:21am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got the courage to approach a girl. I've never done anything like this before. She stared me down, not saying a word, until I felt so little that I just walked away. FML

by Mark / 08/13/2009 at 6:30pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML

by dumbblonde / 08/05/2009 at 11:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2009 at 4:22pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded "it's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML

by jkon / 08/04/2009 at 1:11am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting on the train and some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML

by Anonymous / 07/31/2009 at 1:01pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation