FMLs submitted from Pennsylvania

Today, I went to a family counseling session because my parents are getting a divorce. I told the counselor that I feel guilty because I feel like I caused it. She says that there is no way I could have caused it, that it's my parents' problem when my mom interrupts her to say "Yes she did." FML

by problemchild / 11/02/2009 at 4:05pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn't need him. Turns out he died. FML

by Oops / 11/01/2009 at 8:43pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, driving home, my girlfriend and I decided we were finally going to have sex. We got in the backseat, then I opened my condom to find it was already broken. We ended up playing connect four instead. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2009 at 5:18pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, mum woke me up before seven in the morning on a Saturday so I could open my birthday gifts. I'm an insomniac and I had just fallen asleep. I wasn't even awake yet and she yelled at me to be more enthusiastic. FML

by Morgannaken / 10/31/2009 at 1:45pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work one of my co-worker was oddly nice to me; and my boss, who usually always says hi to me, didn't look or speak to me. Later that day I found out that I was going to be fired, not because my boss told me but because my picture was missing from the wall of employees. FML

by SM / 10/29/2009 at 11:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I work as a cashier, and Iike always I asked the customer paying credit to sign the "sheet" of paper. I recieved a dirty look from one woman who apparently talked to the manager about me, saying I had asked her to sign the "shitty" paper. I have now been warned for "derogatory language." FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2009 at 4:38pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML

by Moody / 10/28/2009 at 3:14pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking when I heard a car horn honk. I looked up to see a hot guy giving me a thumbs up. As he got a better look at me, he made a disgusted face and flipped his hand so he was giving me a thumbs down. FML

by notsohot / 10/26/2009 at 4:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was exercising, laid on my back, lifting weights over my head. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to casually sit by my feet and suddenly tickle them mercilessly. Caught off guard, I started wiggling, laughed and dropped the weights. On my face. FML

by 20lbknockout / 10/20/2009 at 12:26am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, my younger sister's dog broke its leg. The vets are closed today so instead of going on a date with a girl I have been trying to get for at least 2 years, I need to carry an 80 lb. dog that hates me, up and down the stairs. I already got bit twice. FML

by Noname / 10/15/2009 at 6:14pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I let my mother use my computer for school work. Later that day my mom asks me what's wrong with the computer. I look at it, only seeing a "Welcome to Windows XP" screen. She said that she saw a blue screen and pressed L and C when it asked her to. My mom managed to clear my hard drive. FML

by artiemilano / 10/15/2009 at 3:42pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to crown the homecoming queen, a responsibility of mine as class president. It just happened to be that the queen is my ex-girlfriend that I still love, escorted by her new boyfriend. FML

by anonymous / 10/11/2009 at 10:48pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, my 70 year old coworker gave me a letter telling me he was attracted to me, and wishes to have a relationship in which he can 'hold me in his arms every night'. I'm 21. FML

by Eimii / 10/05/2009 at 8:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work