FMLs submitted from Pennsylvania

Today, I met a man at the bar, and he asked me to go home with him. The problem? He's 80. I'm 29. The bigger problem? I considered it. It's been that long. FML

by Anonymous / 07/31/2010 at 7:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend's house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom's favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2010 at 12:26am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2010 at 2:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, to save money, I wanted to fix my own leaky roof instead of hiring someone. When I got on the roof, the ladder fell. As it was falling, it broke three windows and snagged the siding of my house ripping over half of it off. FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2010 at 1:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got around to organizing my closet. Discarded clothes fell into three distinct categories: Too Small, Yellow Pits, Stained with Food. FML

by unit / 07/07/2010 at 12:19am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML

by rkl2010 / 05/23/2010 at 2:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, I received an award from my school rewarding me for my honor roll and my cheerleading. When I brought the certificate home my mom congratulated me and hugged me. I worked really hard for this and all my dad had to say was, "Try this flavor of Doritos." FML

by honorstudent / 05/12/2010 at 10:18pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl I have been dating for the past couple months broke it off with me. She said she's tired of waiting around for me and being ignored in the mean time. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so greedy as to finish my 2 degrees and work 2 jobs to pay for my school. How selfish of me. FML

by Lonely / 03/18/2010 at 12:02am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I discovered that when my parents offered to help me pay for college, what they really meant is they would get the forms for me to apply for student loans. FML

by thanxguys / 03/17/2010 at 3:03pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, I tried an herbal tea that is supposed to increase your milk supply (I'm a breastfeeding mom). Well, it worked, and it kicked in at my office, but only on one side. So when I went into the bathroom, I noticed I had one boob WAY higher and bigger than the other. Great. FML

by mama75 / 03/17/2010 at 10:18am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I called my dad to tell him my boyfriend had proposed to me, and that we're planning on being married this summer. He was surprised at the short engagement, so I said, "Well, we're almost 30." Dad replied, "Wow, I left your mom when I was 35!" So not the conversation for that information, Dad. FML

by rainonmyparade / 03/17/2010 at 1:09am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking down the street when I heard a loud splashing noise to my right. I looked over only to see a woman not squatting but bending over, spreading her cheeks, peeing a horse-sized amount of pee. I can't un-see this. FML

by disturbed / 03/16/2010 at 9:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned home from a 2-day trip. Before I left, I told my brother to move my car across the street when the street cleaner passes by. Turns out, he used all my gas and got so wasted he forgot to move my car. I got a big ticket that he said he'd pay for. He's unemployed and lives off me. FML

by yessssir / 03/08/2010 at 9:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money