FMLs submitted from Pennsylvania

Today, I tried an herbal tea that is supposed to increase your milk supply (I'm a breastfeeding mom). Well, it worked, and it kicked in at my office, but only on one side. So when I went into the bathroom, I noticed I had one boob WAY higher and bigger than the other. Great. FML

by mama75 / 03/17/2010 at 10:18am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I called my dad to tell him my boyfriend had proposed to me, and that we're planning on being married this summer. He was surprised at the short engagement, so I said, "Well, we're almost 30." Dad replied, "Wow, I left your mom when I was 35!" So not the conversation for that information, Dad. FML

by rainonmyparade / 03/17/2010 at 1:09am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking down the street when I heard a loud splashing noise to my right. I looked over only to see a woman not squatting but bending over, spreading her cheeks, peeing a horse-sized amount of pee. I can't un-see this. FML

by disturbed / 03/16/2010 at 9:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned home from a 2-day trip. Before I left, I told my brother to move my car across the street when the street cleaner passes by. Turns out, he used all my gas and got so wasted he forgot to move my car. I got a big ticket that he said he'd pay for. He's unemployed and lives off me. FML

by yessssir / 03/08/2010 at 9:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, I started my spring break. My college is letting the students stay in the dorms for break, so I figured that staying here would mean getting more sleep than going home. Not so much. The fire alarm has been going off every 20 mins since 7:30am because they're "fixing" it. FML

by sleepy2010 / 03/08/2010 at 9:46am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I went to the park. I bet my friend I could fit into the swing that was sized for toddlers. I managed to fit in, but I couldn't get out. My friend had to call 911 to get me out. When they finally did, the fireman told me that fat ladies shouldn't try stuff like that. FML

by fatlady / 03/07/2010 at 12:41am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I was so bored at work that I put a zip tie on my finger just for the excitement of trying to get it off. FML

by Maxx / 03/06/2010 at 10:56pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, my grandma's cat peed on my full leg cast. The closest doctor was a three hour drive away. So my grandma wouldn't take me at all the whole weekend. FML

by murphx3x / 03/05/2010 at 3:22pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mother stormed into my room shouting about how I never go anywhere and then tells me to go out "NOW" and do something. As she is pushing me out the door, her boyfriend walks in. FML

by FatalxDesire599 / 03/05/2010 at 10:39am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, a wasp flew into my room. While I, a 6'2" hockey player, cowered in the corner, my 4'11" girlfriend killed it. FML

by Jeff / 03/02/2010 at 10:53am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I had to catch a shuttle bus. I awoke to the sound of a car horn. I ran out in my boxers and saw a bus take off down the road. I chased it, thinking I had missed my bus. I realized I hadn't only when I saw frightened kids in the back of the bus. FML

by militiousroflcopter / 03/01/2010 at 5:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I gave a technical presentation to a group of male colleagues. I was surprised by how attentive they were until I went to the washroom and realized that they could see every detail of my nipples through my new shirt. FML

by bun593 / 02/26/2010 at 8:52pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time.Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said, "I can't do it, you're really wet. It looks like chicken fat." FML

by humiliated / 02/26/2010 at 5:21am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy