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FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML

#19756804
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21092) - you deserved it (1563)

On 06/08/2012 at 7:44pm - kids - by TimeForAHairCut - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

#19749862
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31083) - you deserved it (5367)

On 06/07/2012 at 1:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my fiancé emailed me some steamy pics. Too bad he forgot to erase "FWD:" from the subject line. FML

#19641657
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19458) - you deserved it (1782)

On 05/18/2012 at 12:05pm - love - by ohyesIfeelspecial (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that a family member found a publisher for his book; his badly written, terribly sourced, historically inaccurate book that insults and misrepresents most world cultures and religions. If this actually makes it to print, I'll never be able to use my maiden name again. FML

#19620851
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15257) - you deserved it (1284)

On 05/14/2012 at 3:37am - misc - by AmatureLitCritic - United States (Oregon)

Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML

#19615151
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6770) - you deserved it (37042)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:26am - work - by fired - United States (Oregon)

Today, I switched cell phone service providers, hoping to upgrade. After working out the details and picking a phone in the store, I got home to find my brand new cell can't get a signal in my house. I already signed the two year contract. FML

#19596569
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17857) - you deserved it (5041)

On 05/09/2012 at 7:03am - misc - by klynn267 - United States (Oregon)

Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

#19475890
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16981) - you deserved it (2117)

On 04/15/2012 at 11:10pm - kids - by sigh (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

#19421032
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20197) - you deserved it (2638)

On 04/07/2012 at 12:32am - animals - by day001313 (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML

#19420355
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20681) - you deserved it (7159)

On 04/06/2012 at 10:26pm - misc - by Tanner - United States (Oregon)

Today, I came home from work to find a burglar in my house. He then said that he was just leaving, and went back out of the broken window. FML

#19392856
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20818) - you deserved it (1386)

On 04/02/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got into my car and it wouldn't start. I noticed I had left the lights on and assumed the battery was dead. Then, I couldn't get my key out of the ignition. So, I called AAA only to have the guy put my car in park and start the engine. FML

#19386625
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4813) - you deserved it (20947)

On 04/01/2012 at 2:44am - misc - by oooooopss - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a woman asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ?" FML

#19324398
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20306) - you deserved it (4734)

On 03/22/2012 at 12:56am - work - by Atheist (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was masturbating, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure. It was my neighbor staring at me through the window with a total look of disgust. I moved in this weekend and hadn't yet introduced myself to her. FML

#19277377
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12739) - you deserved it (27032)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)



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