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FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today looool , I had to awkwardly grab mah pink dildo after mah husband's friend askd what it was that mah dog was chewing on. mega FML

Taday my boss had a lengthy and obnoxiously egocentric conversation with a colleague. After she left across the office, I stood up, looked over at my colleague, and made a sarcastic "shooting myself in the head" gesture. I saw my boss staring at me over a cubicle wall as I turned around. FML

#21236078
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26809) - you deserved it (19455)

On 08/12/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by bademployee (man) - United States (Oregon)

2day ma son said is first word. Unfortunately , tat word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself tat e's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

#21225778
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40247) - you deserved it (7214)

On 07/31/2014 at 12:24pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

#21218609
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40145) - you deserved it (4535)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

2day my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too nice. Apparently , me bieng nice to him makes him feel looool guilty. mega FML

#21212029
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43734) - you deserved it (4440)

On 07/17/2014 at 4:48pm - love - by toonice - United States (Oregon)

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-grlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

#21210956
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55970) - you deserved it (4156)

On 07/16/2014 at 4:09pm - love - by betrayed (man) - United States (Oregon)

yesterday I returned to teacing job at a local community college after surfing for te weekend. I'd got sunburned , one student immediately noticed an said to me , "Morning , Mr. Pinky!" Now tey all do it. My student r assoles. I ate teacing. FML

#21209954
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40420) - you deserved it (7793)

On 07/15/2014 at 6:04pm - work - by mister_pinky (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today...hile sitting on mah front porch... mah cat cummd up beside me. I startd idly stroking her... only to turn an realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

#21206318
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45374) - you deserved it (8478)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm - animals - by and god shat (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I almost got fred from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML

#21202372
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41599) - you deserved it (3005)

On 07/08/2014 at 12:26am - work - by MaddyN - United States (Oregon)

Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park an did wat she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg an peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML

#21188726
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47408) - you deserved it (5338)

On 06/26/2014 at 12:57am - animals - by Pisser (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today , I returned home after a four day weekend at my parents' house!! Upon entering by the front door , a horrid stench assaulted my nose!! Hours later I still cannot find the source of the foul odor!! I'm starting to wonder if this is how it's always smelled without my knowing!! mega FML

#21168914
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38701) - you deserved it (6434)

On 06/09/2014 at 10:46pm - misc - by Where is it coming from?! (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so I decided to introduce myself to someone important. I asked enthusiastically, "So, how are you involved looool with all of this madness?" He frowned at me. I then remembered that this particular charity assists people with mental issues. FML

#21164174
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21760) - you deserved it (38982)

On 06/05/2014 at 6:23pm - misc - by charitableidiot (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend an I were snuggling an we placed our hands together, palm to palm . I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers,hich apparently surprised her cuz she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

#21101616
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57131) - you deserved it (7369)

On 04/01/2014 at 2:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)



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