FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, I received an email from my boyfriend. It contained a link to a site that was titled "How to Give Head". It also said "Have a nice day!" FML

by thismakesmesad / 09/07/2011 at 12:16pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, while playing a gig with my band, I tried pulling the classic "playing the guitar with one foot on the monitor" rock-star pose. However, I misjudged the height of the monitor, didn't notice the puddle of beer in front of it, slipped, and fell off the stage into the security guy. FML

by NotKeithRichards / 09/06/2011 at 8:07am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my whole family piled into our station wagon just to watch my mom take part in an arm wrestling contest. FML

by Chris75 / 09/01/2011 at 5:55am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my stepbrother found my diary and read it. He then told my boyfriend how I had a crush on another guy, and no longer liked him, causing my boyfriend to break up with me. That diary was from the third grade. FML

by Tinkerer / 08/21/2011 at 2:25am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, my parents heard me leaving my room at 2 am, and freaked out because they thought I was sneaking out. I was too embarrassed to tell them that I was getting food instead of having a social life. FML

by Michelle / 08/15/2011 at 4:15am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2011 at 9:47pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend's mother walked in on us having sex. He started crying and ran into the bathroom where my clothes were located, leaving me to deal with his mother. Naked. FML

by cutiekenz21 / 07/30/2011 at 8:45pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I left my bedroom window open to let in some fresh air while I slept. A skunk got in and sprayed my room. FML

by siannacasey / 07/03/2011 at 4:53pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML

by Mommy / 06/26/2011 at 4:47pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, my husband bought me a bouquet of roses. They caused me to sneeze seven times in a row. That was the closest he's ever got me to an orgasm. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2011 at 1:45am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I fell asleep as my family drove to church. No one bothered to say anything about the drawings my siblings drew on my face until after church ended. FML

by Brandy_Dandy78 / 06/12/2011 at 2:47pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, my boss's cat died. I'm expected to attend the service. FML

by whymyliferose / 06/03/2011 at 12:47am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I got into a staring contest with my dog. I actually cheered when I won. FML

by Lifeless / 06/01/2011 at 3:39am / United States (Oregon) / Animals