FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML

by dee / 12/10/2011 at 5:14am / United States (Oregon) / Transportation

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me with a woman twice my age. I'm 32. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2011 at 12:54am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I chipped a tooth trying to solve a Rubik's Cube. FML

by yollew / 11/25/2011 at 1:27am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, my husband threw up in the shower after drinking almost a whole bottle of wine. The shower won't drain now. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

by emilyta / 11/24/2011 at 2:14am / United States (Oregon) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I learned that my roommate, the one in charge of the cooking, never washes her hands beforehand. According to her, it boosts her immune system. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2011 at 12:10pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had an anxiety attack because I thought I'd lost my anxiety medication. It ended up being on the shelf right where I left it. FML

by anxiety / 11/16/2011 at 12:11am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2011 at 9:21pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, while reading over my sent application email to a job I have been trying to get, I found out my brother had put "Heil Hitler!" as my signature. FML

by Unemployed / 10/16/2011 at 3:15am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML

by Ca13b / 10/15/2011 at 3:18am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally told my crush that I like her. She said she could never date me, because apparently, "My best friend likes you." Her best friend is my step-sister. FML

by messed up / 09/16/2011 at 5:10pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, while at the beach, my little brother's hat blew off. I chased after it before I completely lost sight and realized I was no match for the wind. I get back and he's wearing the hat. I chased a fucking trash bag for a mile thinking it was his hat. FML

by justhereforlaughs / 09/12/2011 at 6:32pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received an email from my boyfriend. It contained a link to a site that was titled "How to Give Head". It also said "Have a nice day!" FML

by thismakesmesad / 09/07/2011 at 12:16pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, while playing a gig with my band, I tried pulling the classic "playing the guitar with one foot on the monitor" rock-star pose. However, I misjudged the height of the monitor, didn't notice the puddle of beer in front of it, slipped, and fell off the stage into the security guy. FML

by NotKeithRichards / 09/06/2011 at 8:07am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous