FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, my now fully vaccinated puppy went to a restaurant for the first time. They allow clean, well-behaved dogs. He threw up everywhere from excitement. FML

by Pupluv183 / 05/02/2016 at 12:43pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, I had a lady come up to me in a store just to tell me how bad my acne was and what remedies I should use. I got so embarrassed, all I could say was, "OK" and, "Thank you" until she left me alone. FML

by GhillieSuitsnBiscuits / 04/10/2016 at 4:53pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to meet my family for the first time. We all got really drunk and he made out with my dad. This was day one and we don't fly back for another 16 days. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 1:48pm / United States (Oregon) / Holidays

Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML

by man-period? / 03/02/2016 at 1:48am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, the car across the street has been broken into so many times that my parrot has started to mimic its car alarm. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2016 at 12:04pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML

by justsomesummer / 01/26/2016 at 1:09pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, after much reflection, I realized my "happy childhood" was more like "the years I was oblivious to how much people despised me." FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2016 at 9:07pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to my mentally unhinged roommate jacking off to a frozen TV frame of Peggy Hill from King of the Hill. When he saw me, he threw an ash tray at me and told me to get out. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2015 at 7:40pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 10:55pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I completed my two-month internship, where I have been working as hard as I could with the hope of being hired. My boss couldn't remember my name, and declined to be a reference. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2015 at 4:47am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, while on a walk during lunch, I urgently needed to pee. Not thinking I could make it back to the office, I slipped into some bushes to relieve myself. As I was going, I looked to the side and saw two coworkers staring back at me. They were having sex, and I'm there with my dick out. Awkward. FML

by Embarrassed ass. / 10/23/2015 at 12:05am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, as I tried to parallel park at a busy spot downtown, a group of teens jumped in front of my car and started a slow clap. FML

by moonbears / 10/22/2015 at 12:46pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got the courage to leave my controlling and manipulative ex. He took it well. And by "took it well", I mean he camped out my doorstep, held some of my belongings hostage, and tried to blackmail me into staying with him. FML

by badtasteinmen / 10/15/2015 at 2:19pm / United States (Oregon) / Love