FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I got a report telling me how I had handled a mystery shopper at work. In this report I found out that instead of saying "Thank you" I had said "Have a nice day, take care." This kept me from getting my $150 bonus. FML

by elipses / 08/22/2009 at 12:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the rash I've been getting in my underarms, behind my knees and sometimes on my face. Turns out I'm allergic to sweat. I'm a varsity rugby coach, gym teacher, and I just shelled out a stack of cash to get a sauna and steam room installed in my house. FML

by FilthyIke / 08/21/2009 at 4:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my boyfriend threw me a going-away party. During the party, I caught him in my bedroom hooking up with my friend because "you're leaving soon anyway so it doesn't matter." I'll only be gone for 6 weeks. FML

by lonelyinlondon / 08/20/2009 at 10:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I had to give the girl I am absolutely in love with advice on how to have better sex with her boyfriend. FML

by shitforchris / 08/20/2009 at 1:38am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I brought my little sons into work with me. I introduced them to my boss. She said to my shy kids, "You boys don't know me, do you? I'm Janice." The older one lit up and said, "Oh, I know you, mommy complains about you all the time." FML

by SweetFA / 08/19/2009 at 8:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I was told I have bipolar disorder. I'm 31. It took so long to diagnose because my mom always figured I was "just a super bitch half the time." FML

by crazychick / 08/19/2009 at 12:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, at work while washing the dishes I was told to go put some things into the big freezer at the back of the store. While doing so, the door closed behind me, so naturally I pushed it, only to have my wet hands freeze to the door. I yelled to my manager for 10 minutes before help came. FML

by ohno. / 08/19/2009 at 4:44am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I went to get a pedicure for the first time. My feet are VERY ticklish. I reflexively kicked the poor lady in the face, as I wet my pants. FML

by peepeepants / 08/18/2009 at 8:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss called me into his office. He then fired me. Upset, I asked him "Well, who's gonna replace me?" His answer was "I don't know and don't care. Everyone who works here hates you. Now go away." FML

by vmml97 / 08/17/2009 at 5:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I ran into a guy that I had gone on a few dates with 3 months ago and slept with him a few times, but then never heard from him again. When he looked at me, I went over and gave him a hug and said "Hey, how are you, Chris?". He hugged me back and said "Hey there cutie, what's your name?". FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2009 at 4:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. We went inside the theatre and he saw a couple of his friends. Instead of saying hi and coming back to watch the movie with me, he ditched me for them. When I reminded him he was forgetting something, he grabbed the popcorn out of my hands and left. FML

by ditched / 08/17/2009 at 3:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I went through my 15 year old daughter's internet history. On google she searched 'Excuses to get away from your dad' and 5 other variations of the same thing. We were supposed to be having a father daughter day tomorrow. FML

by alealovespurple / 08/16/2009 at 4:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm having my housewarming party and had prepared food, drink and games for all the 19 confirmed guests on Facebook. I waited till 11 but nobody showed up. I checked Facebook again and realized I had accidentally put tomorrow as the party date. I have to work the whole day tomorrow. FML

by revalc / 08/16/2009 at 12:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous