FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I was talking to my mom about my issues with my girlfriend. While she was sympathizing, she slowly picked up my wallet, took $100 and left. FML

by FranchezDeVista / 08/30/2015 at 2:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I realized I could make more money being on welfare than I can at my current job. FML

by Silver_Jet / 08/30/2015 at 10:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 8:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, on my daughter's 9th birthday, I have to let her know that her dog died in his sleep overnight. Happy birthday. FML

Today, my coworker called me a liar when I said I've been to New York. This is the same psycho who honestly expects me to believe that she and Brad Pitt have a "thing" and that he secretly communicates with her through interviews on TV. FML

by Anonymous / 08/22/2015 at 1:49am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my daughter that we're going to the beach. Today, my daughter also tried to dig up our deceased dog that we buried in our back yard last week so it can come along. FML

by GlueAndCarrots / 08/19/2015 at 10:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend of five years broke up with me, saying I've changed and she can't be with someone who's so emotional all the time. Well I'm so sorry that after two weeks, I'm not quite over my brother's death yet. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2015 at 12:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my girlfriend dyed her hair from blonde to brunette. An hour later, she found one of her blonde hairs on my pillow, and accused me of cheating. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2015 at 6:46pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I got in trouble for punching my sister. Apparently, it still counts if it's in Minecraft and she looked like she was going to steal my stuff. FML

by RobotUnicorn1209 / 08/14/2015 at 3:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my love life is so pathetic that when I got a sample of cologne in the mail, I kept sniffing it just to remind myself what a guy smells like. FML

by so_this_is_me / 08/13/2015 at 1:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my friends told me that I'm not invited to the next trip because I'm a party pooper for not getting drunk and staying out late during our last vacation. I guess they forgot that I spent each night taking care of their drunk asses and stayed sober to be the designated driver. FML

by canadiangirl98 / 08/10/2015 at 11:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to a hockey game. While warm-ups were happening, my favourite player pointed at me and tossed me a puck. It bounced off my hand into another girl's, who was a fan of the other team. She refused to give it back, then walked away and said, "I can't wait to sell this on eBay." FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2015 at 3:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up panting and drenched in sweat from a horrible nightmare. I'd been dreaming that bright, colored shapes were falling from the sky and I couldn't make them all neatly align with one another on the ground. I guess I should stop playing so much Tetris before bed. FML

by I love L / 08/08/2015 at 6:56pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous