FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I had to perform with my Orchestra at an event. I hadn't eaten at all because I had to get my blood sugar tested. During the middle of a song I passed out. No one helped me and no one stopped playing "because the song wasn't over and they didn't want to ruin the performance." FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2009 at 4:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my furnace and all of my heating systems broke down. A fridge is 3 degrees Celsius; it is now 2 degrees Celsius in my house. I would be warmer in my fridge. FML

by FrozenD / 12/12/2009 at 11:55am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I woke up lying on the ground outside with a horrible headache. I camped out in my tree house last night. FML

by B-Man / 12/11/2009 at 4:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I pulled out three chips from a bag. There were two round ones, and a skinny one, making it look like a penis. I laughed. I'm 33. FML

by HarryBeast / 12/09/2009 at 10:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was eating a bag of almonds I got from the bulk food store, picking off what I thought was stringy remnants of their shells. When I finally got down to the bottom of the bag, I found a silk worm circling around the last almond left of a bag of about 200. FML

by somechick / 12/09/2009 at 12:25am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I went skating at the local rink. I had a really hard time balancing and was falling all over the place. After everyone had a good laugh, someone finally decided to tell me that one of my blade covers was still on, thanks. FML

by skating101 / 12/07/2009 at 9:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend invited me for dinner to meet his parents. Turns out his stepmother is my gynecologist. FML

by Twiddle / 12/07/2009 at 2:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section, he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me. FML

by proudparent / 12/07/2009 at 12:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I went to get blood and urine tests done before work. As I was attempting to aim into the cup, I lost balance and slipped. I ended up peeing on my sleeves and my pants. I was late for work and I smelled like pee. FML

by urinanalysis / 12/03/2009 at 11:08am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got invited out by friends for coffee after I broke up with my boyfriend. When I told my mom where I was going, she looked at me and said, "But you don't have friends. All your friends are pixels. Where are you really going?" FML

by friendless / 12/03/2009 at 1:12am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that you should never teach your 6 year old child how to use the microwave, unless you want to be cleaning melted pet fish for about half an hour. FML

by poopiemanlol / 12/01/2009 at 5:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML

by Cpm / 11/30/2009 at 8:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

by SoVeryMonday / 11/30/2009 at 1:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous