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FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I pulled up to a stoplight and blew past the car beside me to merge into one lane. About 30 seconds later, I ran out of gas right in front of them. We were on a bridge, and I had to push my car all the way across. FML

#2225045
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7946) - you deserved it (53326)

On 05/23/2009 at 10:17pm - misc - by DQB (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML

#2210993
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43053) - you deserved it (8674)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:48pm - love - by jimbop (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the casino. I used my last $5 on a slot machine. When the machine started lighting up, saying I had just won $20,000, I excitedly began jumping and screaming. As people crowded around me, the casino lady explained it was 20,000 credits, not dollars. I had only won $20. FML

#2187071
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37710) - you deserved it (16240)

On 05/22/2009 at 6:12pm - money - by uneek14 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up early to take my dog for a walk. I wore spandex shorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of hot construction workers who checked me out. I just got home and realized I have the biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in my life. FML

#2143757
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15131) - you deserved it (52920)

On 05/21/2009 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, we went out to dinner to a family restaurant, and I was wearing a skirt since it's so warm out. My 4 year old scooted under the table to sit next to his brother. When he popped up on the other side, he exclaimed, "Mommy! You forgot to put on your underwears!" People were staring. FML

#2140359
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14837) - you deserved it (55284)

On 05/21/2009 at 8:45am - kids - by whoopsiedoodle (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I made chicken noodle soup for the girl I've been seeing to help her get over her cold. From scratch. Everything fresh save for the canned chicken stock. It took an hour in preparation and half an hour to take the bus to her place. Her first words? The celery's not cooked enough. FML

#2128270
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44226) - you deserved it (5511)

On 05/20/2009 at 9:50pm - love - by chickennoodlesoup (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while going for a run in my neighbourhood I was hit by a car not once, but twice. The second car, closely following the first, stopped and then drove forward to see if I was all right. FML

#2071358
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43932) - you deserved it (2619)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:17am - health - by OUCH (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML

#2045197
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37031) - you deserved it (4952)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:22am - kids - by BeatenUpPup (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

#1986687
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16348) - you deserved it (41804)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Ricky (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was selected to give my speech to the entire school. I was later told it had to be censored because it was inappropriate, even though I was just trying to make a point. My speech was on political correctness. My speech on political correctness was censored for political reasons. FML

#1973868
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38528) - you deserved it (3422)

On 05/16/2009 at 9:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

#1973147
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48056) - you deserved it (5547)

On 05/16/2009 at 7:26am - kids - by badmom101 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realised that my glade plug-in air freshner lasts longer than any of my relationships have. FML

#1956453
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42621) - you deserved it (7274)

On 05/15/2009 at 2:14am - love - by heartless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while working at a children's day camp, one of the kids who is allergic to peanuts went into anaphylactic shock. I ran and grabbed the boys eppe pen. I was holding it backwards so the injection went into my hand, causing me to pass out and both of us to be rushed to hospital. FML

#1926595
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21201) - you deserved it (46874)

On 05/14/2009 at 10:11am - work - by MC (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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