FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth out. My mom didn't get my prescription for painkillers because she thought I'd get addicted. FML

by Richmond24 / 07/29/2010 at 3:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, a friend of mine came to my house with tears in her eyes. I thought she was finally single so I could ask her out. Actually, her mother found out she was dating a girl, so she wants me to be her fake boyfriend as a cover-up. At least we're "dating" now. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2010 at 2:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they "were" interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML

by anon / 07/25/2010 at 8:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. How? I went to a party with some friends and they each bet me $20 I couldn't lick my elbow. I guess I proved them wrong. FML

by one_BAMF / 07/25/2010 at 1:06am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I got a call from my grandmother saying she locked her keys in the car and I needed to bring her the spares. After an hour bus ride, involving me missing my stop and getting temporarily lost, I arrived and handed her the keys. I brought the wrong ones. FML

by Syrinth / 07/21/2010 at 12:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I'm losing my bedroom. FML

by photonut13 / 07/15/2010 at 6:52am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, while making out with my boyfriend of a month, he started rubbing my boobs. He told me that he wanted to get some action before he broke up with me. FML

by nowsingle / 07/03/2010 at 12:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML

by kbartlett86 / 06/24/2010 at 4:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I was unbearably hungry, so I went to Wendy's, bought myself a Baconator and took it outside to eat on the patio. One bite in, I went back to grab a few napkins. Within seconds of my departure, a seagull snatched it up. FML

by theorifice / 06/16/2010 at 12:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I lost my anal virginity because my boyfriend "slipped". FML

by anonymous / 06/11/2010 at 12:56am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I had to get an ultrasound, which required me to drink 3 glasses of water beforehand. The doctor said I had too much and told me to go pee out just a little and come back. It took a lot of effort to hold the rest in. The first thing she did when I got back was press on my abdomen. I peed myself. FML

by Aciliveth / 06/10/2010 at 12:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I found out the reason I can't get a job. My previous employer didn't know my name, so when places I applied to called there for a reference, my boss said he had no recollection of me working there. FML

by duko3000 / 06/06/2010 at 1:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my coworker told me she knew about my secret boyfriend because she has a "sixth sense" about these things. I'm too embarrassed to tell her I'm desperately single and the last date I went on was three years ago. FML

by single and not mingling / 06/04/2010 at 1:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work