FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, while working at a gas station, I accidentally changed the price of gas to 8.9 cents per litre. It took me fifteen minutes to figure out why everyone wanted only two or three dollars of gas. I fixed it, but now my managers are debating charging me for lost revenue. FML

by Ihadnoidea / 12/12/2015 at 2:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my partner and I got called out to a domestic disturbance. Things turned ugly while we were en-route. Long story short, I now know how many grown men it takes to lift a nearly 400lb shit-covered woman onto a stretcher. I almost reconsidered my choice of career. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 10:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my 5-year-old son put my car keys in the microwave thinking that they would 'warm up' my car. FML

by jimmy / 11/30/2015 at 4:27pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my mom tried to burn my arm with a hot spatula, all because I got a tattoo against her wishes. FML

by Wtfbruhimmovingout / 11/27/2015 at 9:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss fired three of the four other people who were going to work with me on Black Friday in my department. Now it's just me and a new hire. My boss doesn't see a problem. FML

by darksaber522 / 11/25/2015 at 4:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I painfully watched my doctor burn a hole in my nail to drain the blood underneath. This is the prescribed treatment for the injury of hammering your thumb. FML

by FitnessFirst / 11/24/2015 at 7:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML

by I Know How to Pick'em / 11/16/2015 at 7:25am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my 9 year old shitblossom of a sister decided to wake me up by hocking a loogie into my mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2015 at 12:02am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

by Nuts / 11/06/2015 at 9:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I did such a bad job explaining the recent change from daylight savings time, that my 5-year-old son is now convinced that we're time travellers. FML

by badmom / 11/06/2015 at 12:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my mother in law basically said I deserve my breast cancer, all because I declined to take part in one of her "March Against Cancer" events a while ago. I guess donating money to cancer research instead of going on a meaningless march really messed up my karma. FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2015 at 1:44am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I got into a minor argument with my fiancé. Deciding it wasn't worth fighting over, I shrugged and said, "Really, what are we even doing this for?" To which he replied, "Honestly, I don't know. I haven't loved you in years… Oh, you meant about the fight." And just like that, I'm now single. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 8:41am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my mom and dad went to court to negotiate child support for me and my brothers. During the meeting, my dad was asked, "Sir, are you saying that the only reason you want your sons to live with you full time is so you don't have to pay child support?" To which he responded, "Yes." FML

by vanillapudding6 / 10/13/2015 at 9:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous