FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I had to pee in a cup. The cup almost overflowed. My first instinct was to drink some so it didn't spill. FML

by killme / 02/29/2016 at 2:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I said "I love you" to my girlfriend for the first time. She responded with, "I'm just gonna pretend I never heard that." FML

by Unreciprocated / 02/25/2016 at 1:12am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, while working as a hostess, one of my tattoos on my leg was showing. It's not uncommon for guests to comment on tattoos as we're high end and I'm one of two staff members with visible tattoos. What is uncommon is an elderly lady hiking up my skirt for a better view. I flashed everyone. FML

by Devlynfly / 02/24/2016 at 11:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was threatened to be held back because of the lack of teacher-parent communication. My parents refuse to sign my report card because of my one mark below ninety percent. My teacher was dead serious about failing me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2016 at 9:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I greeted my boss with, "Looking good, did you lose weight?" He responded that no, he'd just purchased larger pants. FML

by candy / 02/11/2016 at 7:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my now ex-boyfriend accused me of wanting to screw his 11-year-old brother, all because I expressed interest in going to his birthday party. FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2016 at 9:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was at the gym. I'm 360 lbs and have finally decided it's time to change that. Some girl and her two bitch friends thought it'd be fun to follow me and belittle me at everything I did. When I mentioned it to the staff, they said that they were just "encouraging" me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2016 at 5:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I found out my parents only had me in an attempt to fix their relationship. It didn't work. FML

by crinitis / 01/28/2016 at 11:05am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbors in the apartment above me yet again had a loud fight, well past midnight while I was trying to sleep. I stood on my bed and pounded on the ceiling to shut them up. And now I'll have to explain the two fist-shaped holes in the ceiling to my landlord. FML

by soon to have a fist shaped hole in my ass / 01/23/2016 at 2:49am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML

by Garfield / 01/20/2016 at 11:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, on my second day at my new job, my supervisor told me that I was ready to make a sale on my own. Things were going well, until said supervisor interrupted my sales pitch, apologized on my behalf for being new, and stole my sale. FML

by TheNewSalesRep / 01/20/2016 at 9:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

by meh beard / 01/18/2016 at 6:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my labrador to the vet because he seemed really sick and wasn't acting like his usual self the past few weeks. The vet said nothing was physically wrong with him and that he's most likely suffering from depression. My own depression is why I got a dog in the first place. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2016 at 11:41am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals