FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I realized why my dad got mad when he found out that my girlfriend and I have sex. Turns out he's jealous because he thinks she's hot, and wishes he was the one sleeping with her. FML

by seriouslydad / 05/08/2016 at 9:11am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I found out how it feels when someone slips and falls while they have a hypodermic needle in your arm. FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2016 at 2:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I found out that if I take back my expensive headphones that my daughter constantly borrows, she will play porn on max volume, whether or not I have guests over. FML

Today, my fiancé received his divorce papers. Thanks to his procrastinating, his divorce is effective May 29th. We're supposed to get married on May 28th. FML

by unmarried / 05/03/2016 at 8:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML

by sociallyanxiousroomie / 04/19/2016 at 6:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came to class, prepared with my notes for the debate we were having today. My teacher then told me that I would be representing the opposite side I chose, despite her saying we could choose our own sides. This happened minutes before the debate started, and my notes were useless. FML

Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML

by Crap / 04/12/2016 at 12:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I found out that my best friend's psycho ex-girlfriend has been stalking me on social media for the past few months, when she contacted me asking why I was holding hands with him in a picture from over two years ago. FML

by Anonymous / 04/10/2016 at 8:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my boss praised me for always ranking first at work and how she hopes I keep it up for a long time. I then had to awkwardly hand her my letter of resignation. FML

by KaylaRox1908 / 04/10/2016 at 4:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking, a wild rabbit darted past me and startled me. I tripped and fell face first into cow dung. FML

by Anonymous / 04/01/2016 at 2:30pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, the head chef at work yelled at me for not knowing the difference between two sauces. I couldn't win the argument, even after a coworker admitted to filling both bottles with the same sauce. FML

by notabadserver / 03/31/2016 at 1:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML

by sadfantasy / 03/31/2016 at 2:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I discovered that my Dad's family very much supports Donald Trump. They tried to convince me to support his campaign by donating money. We're not even American. FML

by MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain / 03/30/2016 at 1:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous